Some big news: we did it! In other words, we inseminated! It happened a little earlier than we expected, but we're really happy and very nervous.
Rachel wasn't supposed to ovulate until the last part of the week, leaving us a window of time either Friday afternoon or Saturday morning to inseminate. But earlier in the week, on Wednesday, she decided to go ahead and start using the predicter tests so we'd know exactly what was going on. She did this fully expecting a "negative", therefore she didn't pay much attention to the test results. She set the stick down on a table and hurriedly left for work.
Some time passed, maybe 15 minutes or so, and I walked by the table where the "positive" line on the stick caught my attention. I realized Rachel hadn't noticed the change as she left for work, so of course I had to let her know right away. I tried calling her cell phone -- no answer. I tried again and again -- no answer. So, I called the office where she works. I told the receptionist that I had a very urgent message -- to tell Rachel that "the line has changed" and she'd know exactly what it means.
Over at the school, the receptionist came over the intercom to Rachel's classroom and announced, "Ms. Roberts, Ms. Roberts -- I'm supposed to tell you 'the line has changed'!" hahahaha. So, Rachel called me in a panic but also very excited. We agreed that the doctor needed to be contacted, so I made my first call of what would become many, many exchanges between us and the doctor/staff.
It was determined that we'd need to come in on Friday for insemination. The only thing was, I still hadn't placed an order for the donor specimen or anything. I'd planned to do it late Wednesday so I could pick up the order on Thursday. So, I had to get on the ball and order right then. I placed our order and arranged to pick up the specimen on Thursday.
Fast forward to Thursday morning. Rachel wakes up, does another predicter test before leaving for work, and the test barely turns positive. In fact, the line was so faint that we thought it was giving us a negative reading. Rachel got really upset, but I assured her I'd take care of everything and all would be fine. A while later, she called me from work to say she was coming home. She was crying and was simply to worried and upset to stay at work. She said her gut was telling her to come home.
Rachel got home and we gathered up all the predictor sticks (we saved them, just in case we'd need them for the doctor) and headed over to the doctor's office. The nurse (and insemination coordinator) took a look at the tests and then our own personal charts. As it turns out, we'd mapped things out incorrectly and needed to do the insemination that day!
So, we left the doctor's office, drove 1 1/2 hours to Augusta to pick up the donor sperm, and then drove 1 1/2 hours back to Athens to make it happen. The whole morning Rachel had a lot of cramping, but as we approached the doctor's office from about 30 minutes away, the cramping stopped. She believes it was her egg doing its thing at the right time.
We arrived at the doctor's office and had to wait nervously for about 40 minutes while the specimen thawed. Talk about nerve-wrecking! Once in the treatment room, the doctor said everything looked great. We began procedure and the doctor let me inject the specimen through the syringe. That was kind of nice, but a bit uneventful and slightly disappointing. But it was still neat.
So, now the waiting game... we have a positive feeling about this, so wish us luck. I know a lot of people don't get pregnant the first time, but this just seems different somehow. We're trying to be realistic, however. We did have one thing come up and had a question, so we called the nurse/insemination coordinator. Her answer relieved us and she even said it was a "positive sign". So, let's hope it's true!
Monday, March 27, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
DONATIONS, DONATIONS! (OR FREELANCE OFFERS)
Now that we're officially in "trying" mode and looking to buy a new house, I'm in overdrive to earn as much money as possible to sock away into savings. We'll need it to help out with 2nd-parent adoption costs!
So... if you'd like to make a small (or large!) donation in our name, or if you'd like to hire me for freelance services (I build websites and draw/paint beautiful portraits), let me know! Just leave a comment below.
So... if you'd like to make a small (or large!) donation in our name, or if you'd like to hire me for freelance services (I build websites and draw/paint beautiful portraits), let me know! Just leave a comment below.
Friday, March 17, 2006
A VEGAN BABY FOR A VEGAN COUPLE
We mentioned in a previous post that we found out about a vegan couple who are giving their baby up for adoption. We'd thrown our name out there, even though we realized there was no chance of being picked since this couple was looking for another vegan couple to adopt.
The night we met our new friends, H and S, we learned that not only are they vegan, but they also want to adopt a child. Since they both met the obvious requirements of being an "alternative family" and being vegan, we passed the baby information along. To make a long story short, a month later now they are officially going through with this adoption.
I'm not sure to what degree I believe that "things happen for a reason", but going through this, it seems to be true. I mean, what are the chances? We find out about this kid who needs a home, then we meet them and help them get the ball rolling, and now they're going to have a new little baby in just four weeks. And, it's all happening within eight weeks total time.
Anyway, we are completely thrilled for our new friends and glad to be included in all of this. In fact, we're going over to their house on Saturday for dinner and to help paint the new nursery. How exciting!
Oh, and the great thing... when our baby comes along, we'll have access to all of their hand-me-downs!
The night we met our new friends, H and S, we learned that not only are they vegan, but they also want to adopt a child. Since they both met the obvious requirements of being an "alternative family" and being vegan, we passed the baby information along. To make a long story short, a month later now they are officially going through with this adoption.
I'm not sure to what degree I believe that "things happen for a reason", but going through this, it seems to be true. I mean, what are the chances? We find out about this kid who needs a home, then we meet them and help them get the ball rolling, and now they're going to have a new little baby in just four weeks. And, it's all happening within eight weeks total time.
Anyway, we are completely thrilled for our new friends and glad to be included in all of this. In fact, we're going over to their house on Saturday for dinner and to help paint the new nursery. How exciting!
Oh, and the great thing... when our baby comes along, we'll have access to all of their hand-me-downs!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
MORE ON TELLING MOM
In addition to preparing for and having a baby, we're also looking to sell our house and move into another one. The whole thing has me stressed out beyond belief and I called my mother to blow off some steam. In the process, I let it out that we were preparing to have a baby. I gave no details as to when and where and how this would happen, but I at least put the thought out there.
I was waiting for a negative response and to get the whole "You know how I feel..." speech, but all she said was, "Well, that's a lifelong endeavor and I think you should think about it for a long time." My response -- "We HAVE thought about it for a long time!"
I was waiting for a negative response and to get the whole "You know how I feel..." speech, but all she said was, "Well, that's a lifelong endeavor and I think you should think about it for a long time." My response -- "We HAVE thought about it for a long time!"
Monday, February 27, 2006
TELLING MOM
One more thing I forgot to mention --
I still haven't told my Mom we're planning to conceive. But I did mention the recent adoption offer incident (which, by the way, fell through) and how Rachel was disappointed. She even spoke to Rachel on the phone about it and according to Rachel, seemed sympathetic. I'm not sure I got that same vibe, but at any rate, the fact that I was able to talk to her about that without her flipping out or saying anything really negative is good.
Just thought I'd share.
I still haven't told my Mom we're planning to conceive. But I did mention the recent adoption offer incident (which, by the way, fell through) and how Rachel was disappointed. She even spoke to Rachel on the phone about it and according to Rachel, seemed sympathetic. I'm not sure I got that same vibe, but at any rate, the fact that I was able to talk to her about that without her flipping out or saying anything really negative is good.
Just thought I'd share.
OUR MOST RECENT APPOINTMENT
I went with R to our latest OB appointment, which was with a new doctor referred by another. We were warned that he might be a little "dry", but we didn't find that to be the case at all. He was very warm, kind, and funny to boot! In fact, everyone in the office was super-nice.
R had an annual exam/pap smear/etc. Dr. L said everything looked a-okay and that her cervix "looks very inseminatable". LOL. R checked out in good health and Dr. L doesn't anticipate any sort of problems. He did suggest, however, that she lose 10 pounds using the South Beach Diet. He said it's not necessity, but might be a good idea. So, South Beach Diet, here we come!
The only thing that tripped us up was how little Dr. L knew about the actual sperm retreival process. He said "we work with a company", but couldn't remember the name of the company. When we mentioned the one we'd been planning to use, he said, "Oh, yeah, that's the same one!" We asked several questions about the purchase of the sperm and getting it to the office. He finally said we needed to talk to Misty, some woman in the office whose job it is to handle all sperm stuff. (that sounds funny.)
Dr. L definitely knows what to do as far as procedure is concerned. We feel confident about that. I think it's just that most of the IUI's he does are with fresh sperm from a husband/wife team in the office. So, naturally, he doesn't know much about getting it from a company.
BUT...
I got a call this morning from Misty, the "sperm lady". I didn't recognize the number when it appeared on the caller ID, so I didn't answer and just waited to check my messages. Misty didn't do much to give us any real information. Basically, she have us the 1-800 number to this company and referred us to their website to check pricing and such. Well, we already have that info because we've been looking at donors for months and months, trying to decide what/who we want. So, I felt a little disappointed to not get more info from her. I thought the purpose of her call was to let us know what we needed to do to order through the office so they could get it all for us, blah, blah, blah.
Dr. L was able to tell us that if we conceive in March, we'd be due around December 10th. April = January. May = February.
R wants to start in March because she thinks it won't take right away. However, I think there's a good chance it will. I mean, we've gotten great results at our appointments and we have no reason to believe that it won't work early on. We won't know that until we try, so I don't want to go into this with a negative attitude that it won't work. And as silly as it sounds, I do not want our baby to arrive in December, just before Christmas.
Our original desired due-date is for February, which means we'd preferably like to conceive in May. That way, R would deliver in February, have 12 weeks (three months) off from work, which would essentially turn into 24 weeks (six months) because she'd have the summer off after the 12 weeks ended. That would be perfect!
Anyhow, we're excited about our appointment. I guess the next time we return will be to inseminate. !!!
R had an annual exam/pap smear/etc. Dr. L said everything looked a-okay and that her cervix "looks very inseminatable". LOL. R checked out in good health and Dr. L doesn't anticipate any sort of problems. He did suggest, however, that she lose 10 pounds using the South Beach Diet. He said it's not necessity, but might be a good idea. So, South Beach Diet, here we come!
The only thing that tripped us up was how little Dr. L knew about the actual sperm retreival process. He said "we work with a company", but couldn't remember the name of the company. When we mentioned the one we'd been planning to use, he said, "Oh, yeah, that's the same one!" We asked several questions about the purchase of the sperm and getting it to the office. He finally said we needed to talk to Misty, some woman in the office whose job it is to handle all sperm stuff. (that sounds funny.)
Dr. L definitely knows what to do as far as procedure is concerned. We feel confident about that. I think it's just that most of the IUI's he does are with fresh sperm from a husband/wife team in the office. So, naturally, he doesn't know much about getting it from a company.
BUT...
I got a call this morning from Misty, the "sperm lady". I didn't recognize the number when it appeared on the caller ID, so I didn't answer and just waited to check my messages. Misty didn't do much to give us any real information. Basically, she have us the 1-800 number to this company and referred us to their website to check pricing and such. Well, we already have that info because we've been looking at donors for months and months, trying to decide what/who we want. So, I felt a little disappointed to not get more info from her. I thought the purpose of her call was to let us know what we needed to do to order through the office so they could get it all for us, blah, blah, blah.
Dr. L was able to tell us that if we conceive in March, we'd be due around December 10th. April = January. May = February.
R wants to start in March because she thinks it won't take right away. However, I think there's a good chance it will. I mean, we've gotten great results at our appointments and we have no reason to believe that it won't work early on. We won't know that until we try, so I don't want to go into this with a negative attitude that it won't work. And as silly as it sounds, I do not want our baby to arrive in December, just before Christmas.
Our original desired due-date is for February, which means we'd preferably like to conceive in May. That way, R would deliver in February, have 12 weeks (three months) off from work, which would essentially turn into 24 weeks (six months) because she'd have the summer off after the 12 weeks ended. That would be perfect!
Anyhow, we're excited about our appointment. I guess the next time we return will be to inseminate. !!!
Saturday, February 18, 2006
MOVING RIGHT ALONG
Someone recently came to us about a baby that needs a home. A young couple are expecting a baby in about eight weeks and they're looking for a preferably Vegan family to adopt their child. We threw our names into the ring, even though we're not even vegetarian. While we're not overly hopeful that this will happen, it just seemed a little odd that this fell at our feet at this time.
In other baby news, we have our first real baby doctor appointment on our anniversary, which is this coming Friday, the 24th. I am so excited to finally get this moving along a little bit. I realized the other day that it was past my target due date for next year and possibly this time next year we will have our own little wiggly bundle of joy. Of course, one can only hope! We plan to start insemination in April and with all of my tracking and calculating, it looks like I have settled into a perfect 28-day cycle -- who knew?! I'm trying not to get my hopes up because this doesn't happen the first time for anybody, but hey, I'm not just anybody. It's possible.
We're starting to get to know another couple who are trying to have a baby, which is nice. They're more on the adoption track than the fertility track, but it's nice to have someone to talk to.
In other baby news, we have our first real baby doctor appointment on our anniversary, which is this coming Friday, the 24th. I am so excited to finally get this moving along a little bit. I realized the other day that it was past my target due date for next year and possibly this time next year we will have our own little wiggly bundle of joy. Of course, one can only hope! We plan to start insemination in April and with all of my tracking and calculating, it looks like I have settled into a perfect 28-day cycle -- who knew?! I'm trying not to get my hopes up because this doesn't happen the first time for anybody, but hey, I'm not just anybody. It's possible.
We're starting to get to know another couple who are trying to have a baby, which is nice. They're more on the adoption track than the fertility track, but it's nice to have someone to talk to.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
REBELLING AND RANDOM INFO
R and I, even though we're totally thrilled about all that is happening, are rebelling somewhat against it. She's busy searching for a great deal on a trip to Europe somewhere. And I, all of a sudden, am wanting to run out and have my nipples pierced or something like that. What is up with that?!
I mentioned in a previous post that we'd seen a local OB-GYN that we really like. As it turns out, I've managed to score an appointment with him for myself for next week. I'm really excited about it because I know he will be sensitive to my needs/concerns, even if he can't help me. You see, I have an adrenal dysfunction that has caused me to be quite ill for some time now. And now, I'm having some gynecological issues, which may/may not be related. I'm hoping he can help, but if not, then at least I know he'll try to get me to someone who can. Wish me luck!
I mentioned in a previous post that we'd seen a local OB-GYN that we really like. As it turns out, I've managed to score an appointment with him for myself for next week. I'm really excited about it because I know he will be sensitive to my needs/concerns, even if he can't help me. You see, I have an adrenal dysfunction that has caused me to be quite ill for some time now. And now, I'm having some gynecological issues, which may/may not be related. I'm hoping he can help, but if not, then at least I know he'll try to get me to someone who can. Wish me luck!
Thursday, February 02, 2006
BREAKING THE NEWS
R's Mom is thrilled about the prospect of us having a baby together. She's been very encouraging and is very excited at the prospect of having a grandchild. Keeping Ma Becky (that's what I call R's Mom) informed as we progress is a joy because she is so supportive and happy for us, just as she has always been.
My Mom, on the other hand, hasn't always been so supportive. Just before she was to meet R for the first time, way back when, she informed me that my "girlfriends" weren't welcome in her home. She finally gave in and when she met R, she really began to have a change of heart. Now, she adores R and has us to visit frequently. While I'm certain she still has her own issues with my lesbianism, she's come a long, long way.
Because my Mom has done so well, I'm afraid to risk upsetting her by telling her we plan to have a baby. I've dropped hints here and there and R has made a remark or two (or three or four... ha) about having a family. But, I've never come right out and said it. And honestly, I don't know when/where/how to do it. I'm so scared she'll have a poor reaction. She's indicated in previous conversations concerning other gay parents that she doesn't approve. You know, that whole "a child needs/deserves a mother and a father."
So, my friends, what do you think? How did you tell your parents/families? How did they react? What advice can you give? So many questions... I need answers!
My Mom, on the other hand, hasn't always been so supportive. Just before she was to meet R for the first time, way back when, she informed me that my "girlfriends" weren't welcome in her home. She finally gave in and when she met R, she really began to have a change of heart. Now, she adores R and has us to visit frequently. While I'm certain she still has her own issues with my lesbianism, she's come a long, long way.
Because my Mom has done so well, I'm afraid to risk upsetting her by telling her we plan to have a baby. I've dropped hints here and there and R has made a remark or two (or three or four... ha) about having a family. But, I've never come right out and said it. And honestly, I don't know when/where/how to do it. I'm so scared she'll have a poor reaction. She's indicated in previous conversations concerning other gay parents that she doesn't approve. You know, that whole "a child needs/deserves a mother and a father."
So, my friends, what do you think? How did you tell your parents/families? How did they react? What advice can you give? So many questions... I need answers!
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
WE'RE OVULATING!
So we're ovulating... big deal, right? Well, for us it is very exciting news because at least we now know that R is ovulating for sure.
Now that we know things are working, we have questions! Once a positive test has been established, when is the optimum time to inseminate? Right then, the next day, etc???
R thinks we should buy the expensive ovulation predictor kit/machine because it indicates the peaks, but since these cheap tests are working, I think our money could be spent more wisely elsewhere.
Advice, please!
p.s. R promises to post soon... she's been swamped with school/classes
Now that we know things are working, we have questions! Once a positive test has been established, when is the optimum time to inseminate? Right then, the next day, etc???
R thinks we should buy the expensive ovulation predictor kit/machine because it indicates the peaks, but since these cheap tests are working, I think our money could be spent more wisely elsewhere.
Advice, please!
p.s. R promises to post soon... she's been swamped with school/classes
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
MAKING PROGRESS
This afternoon, R and I had a physician appointment and well, things went very well! It looks like we'll be able to do everything right here in town. And the best part is that we really like the doctor a lot.
I can't recall all of the specifics, and since R was doing most of the talking (shocking, really!), I'll get her to post her comments later this evening.
At any rate, I am very excited and pleased with the way things are progressing.
I can't recall all of the specifics, and since R was doing most of the talking (shocking, really!), I'll get her to post her comments later this evening.
At any rate, I am very excited and pleased with the way things are progressing.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
MY DREAM FROM LAST NIGHT
Last night, I had a dream in which I was pregnant and I was carrying the baby in a very peculiar way. Click here to see a drawing of what my stomach looked like. And in my dream, every time the baby moved, my stomach moved, too -- sort of like when a dog rolls around under a bed sheet. I mean, it moved a lot. I don't remember much else, other than I went into labor and it was quite painful. And for some reason, I was wandering around a department store, waiting to give birth because for some reason the hospital wouldn't take me in.
Note: When I woke this morning, my belly felt very sore.
Note: When I woke this morning, my belly felt very sore.
Monday, January 02, 2006
SHARED RISK PROGRAM AND ANOTHER BLOG
R was doing a bit of research via the internet after we learned that the fertility clinic we planned to use is closed. She found a program titled Shared Risk, which basically involves paying one fee in return for 10 tries with IUI (at least I think it's IUI). After doing the math, it makes a lot of sense for us, so who knows. Does anyone else have experience with this?
I've started another blog -- nothing too exciting, but it's more of a discipline thing than anything else. Come visit at Ju. 2006 and add comments, if you'd like.
I've started another blog -- nothing too exciting, but it's more of a discipline thing than anything else. Come visit at Ju. 2006 and add comments, if you'd like.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
INFERTILITY FEARS
Now that my winter vacation from school has started I can finally write in our blog!
I got to go visit a friend’s new baby today and she was really beautiful. She was a little on the fussy side, but I think she was tired and hungry and I was nervous. I am sure that babies, not unlike wolves, can sense fear and will cry upon contact with the fearful individual, immediately identifying them as incompetent. I used to not be afraid of infants; it has only been since we decided to have one that this has become an issue for me.
I think that I’m mostly worried that I just can’t have one. I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and while lots of women with PCOS get pregnant everyday, I do not have the luxury of time -- meaning, I can have all the sex I possibly can, but the potential for accidental pregnancy will never be there. I can’t "try" conveniently, making it harder to know if I am fertile. All I know about how easy/hard it will be for me to get knocked up is that I have PCOS and that will make it harder to get pregnant and possibly harder to maintain the pregnancy. I have heard carrying reports on the latter issue and it’s scary!
Our medical plan as it stands is to start off pretty low tech/low cost. I will take a combo pack of Clomid and Metformin, which should increase our chances along with two inter-uterine inseminations with previously frozen sperm per cycle for three cycles. According to all of the research and physician advice we have garnered, if it hasn’t happened using those methods after three tries, it probably won’t take without some additional help.
To be honest, I am unsure how invasive I am willing for things to become or how much our budget can take. Right now, I just am really hoping that we won’t have to cross that bridge and we will magically become pregnant within the first three months. I am hopeful but not confident.
I got to go visit a friend’s new baby today and she was really beautiful. She was a little on the fussy side, but I think she was tired and hungry and I was nervous. I am sure that babies, not unlike wolves, can sense fear and will cry upon contact with the fearful individual, immediately identifying them as incompetent. I used to not be afraid of infants; it has only been since we decided to have one that this has become an issue for me.
I think that I’m mostly worried that I just can’t have one. I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and while lots of women with PCOS get pregnant everyday, I do not have the luxury of time -- meaning, I can have all the sex I possibly can, but the potential for accidental pregnancy will never be there. I can’t "try" conveniently, making it harder to know if I am fertile. All I know about how easy/hard it will be for me to get knocked up is that I have PCOS and that will make it harder to get pregnant and possibly harder to maintain the pregnancy. I have heard carrying reports on the latter issue and it’s scary!
Our medical plan as it stands is to start off pretty low tech/low cost. I will take a combo pack of Clomid and Metformin, which should increase our chances along with two inter-uterine inseminations with previously frozen sperm per cycle for three cycles. According to all of the research and physician advice we have garnered, if it hasn’t happened using those methods after three tries, it probably won’t take without some additional help.
To be honest, I am unsure how invasive I am willing for things to become or how much our budget can take. Right now, I just am really hoping that we won’t have to cross that bridge and we will magically become pregnant within the first three months. I am hopeful but not confident.
Monday, December 05, 2005
SCARED
As much as I want to have a baby, the thought is at times horrifying. Does anyone else feel the same way?
Things I worry about:
These are a few things that come to mind for now. Is this normal?
Things I worry about:
- not getting to spend enough quality time with R
- less freedom to do things on a whim
- financial responsibility
- possibly not liking being a mother
- not having the acceptance and support from family members
- people being cruel to us and/or our baby because we're a GLBT family
These are a few things that come to mind for now. Is this normal?
Friday, December 02, 2005
BASAL TEMPERATURE
I've been using a basal thermometer to take my temperature every morning -- except this past week, I stopped when I couldn't find my thermometer.
The question is -- can I start taking my temperature again now, or do I need to wait? All of this is confusing to me, so any advice would be great.
The question is -- can I start taking my temperature again now, or do I need to wait? All of this is confusing to me, so any advice would be great.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
WHAT'S IN A NAME?
Lately, baby names have been a regular topic around our household. There are many names I like and many names R likes, but not many for which we both agree.
Male names that I like: Joseph, Henry, David (family name), Samuel, Calvin (family name)
Female names that I like: Nora (family name), Mary, Paloma, Talullah (family name), Beatrice, Cobia (family name and also my middle name)
Names for a boy or girl that I like: Perry, Myers (family name), Korbett
Male names that R likes: Maxwell, Lee (family name)
Female names that R likes: Louisa, Talullah, Nora, Beatrice, Amelia, Francesca
Names for a boy or girl that R likes: Hollis, Merritt, and a few others I can't remember, but are similar
Possible future baby names we've discussed (first/middle): Maxwell Lee (male), Maxwell Myers (male), Henry Myers (male), Henry Lee (male), Lee Myers (male or female), Cobia Rebbekah (female), Sarah Cobia (female), Cobia Berry (female), Louisa Myers (female), Beatrice Myers (female)
I used to really like the name Maxwell, but I'm kind of over it. Maybe it's just because we've talked about the name so much. I'm not opposed, mind you, just kind of so-so on the name. I do love Cobia as a first name for a female, but R only likes it for a middle name. But it's my grandmother's maiden name and my middle name. And I've always loved it and over the years have been dying to use it as a first name.
What do y'all think? What names from the above do you like? We'd love to hear of any combinations you can think of that we haven't.
Male names that I like: Joseph, Henry, David (family name), Samuel, Calvin (family name)
Female names that I like: Nora (family name), Mary, Paloma, Talullah (family name), Beatrice, Cobia (family name and also my middle name)
Names for a boy or girl that I like: Perry, Myers (family name), Korbett
Male names that R likes: Maxwell, Lee (family name)
Female names that R likes: Louisa, Talullah, Nora, Beatrice, Amelia, Francesca
Names for a boy or girl that R likes: Hollis, Merritt, and a few others I can't remember, but are similar
Possible future baby names we've discussed (first/middle): Maxwell Lee (male), Maxwell Myers (male), Henry Myers (male), Henry Lee (male), Lee Myers (male or female), Cobia Rebbekah (female), Sarah Cobia (female), Cobia Berry (female), Louisa Myers (female), Beatrice Myers (female)
I used to really like the name Maxwell, but I'm kind of over it. Maybe it's just because we've talked about the name so much. I'm not opposed, mind you, just kind of so-so on the name. I do love Cobia as a first name for a female, but R only likes it for a middle name. But it's my grandmother's maiden name and my middle name. And I've always loved it and over the years have been dying to use it as a first name.
What do y'all think? What names from the above do you like? We'd love to hear of any combinations you can think of that we haven't.
Saturday, November 26, 2005
KNOWN DONORS VS. ANONYMOUS
Many folks have suggested we use a known donor. And we've had several offers from male friends. But it's tricky.
We love the idea of a known donor, to a certain degree. We like the idea of knowing what he'd look like, his history, his personality, etc. But we don't want anyone having access to our child. It's hard enough for us as two parents to make decisions without getting someone else involved. And, in the state of Georgia, anyone who has any blood link (ie, a sibling of the donor) to our child could take us to court and win custody, even though R will be the biological mother who gives birth. Even if that donor relinquishes parental rights.
But using an anonymous donor is tricky, too. We want to know more than what we read on a piece of paper. We worry that our child will be resentful to not have access to the identity information (until they're 18, that is). And then, of course, there's the whole issue of all of the half-siblings roaming about. Do we try to connect with them or not?
As far as having a strong male role model present, we're not worried about that. He/she will have two uncles that will be actively involved, as well as grandparents, and the many friends of ours who are male and just as excited about our baby as we are.
At any rate, I think we're planning to use an anonymous donor because we just can't risk losing our child to someone else. But we're weighing our options and will continue to do so.
We love the idea of a known donor, to a certain degree. We like the idea of knowing what he'd look like, his history, his personality, etc. But we don't want anyone having access to our child. It's hard enough for us as two parents to make decisions without getting someone else involved. And, in the state of Georgia, anyone who has any blood link (ie, a sibling of the donor) to our child could take us to court and win custody, even though R will be the biological mother who gives birth. Even if that donor relinquishes parental rights.
But using an anonymous donor is tricky, too. We want to know more than what we read on a piece of paper. We worry that our child will be resentful to not have access to the identity information (until they're 18, that is). And then, of course, there's the whole issue of all of the half-siblings roaming about. Do we try to connect with them or not?
As far as having a strong male role model present, we're not worried about that. He/she will have two uncles that will be actively involved, as well as grandparents, and the many friends of ours who are male and just as excited about our baby as we are.
At any rate, I think we're planning to use an anonymous donor because we just can't risk losing our child to someone else. But we're weighing our options and will continue to do so.
Friday, November 18, 2005
WHO CARES ABOUT SPERM?
We do, that's who!
Yesterday, for the first time in almost a year, R decided to browse profiles of sperm donors listed with the bank we plan to use (not definite, but nearly) while I sat at the other desk and worked. She'd break every couple of minutes to read a snippet from someone's profile or to ask if I preferred red hair over blue eyes because she couldn't find a donor that had both.
But really, does it matter? Does it matter if the donor has red hair or black hair or blue eyes or brown eyes? Because our baby, no matter what, won't have my blood and won't look like me. Hell, the baby might not even look like Rachel. So, why do I care? Are physical attributes that important?
Once upon a time I didn't think they were. We'd selected a few browser profiles we liked based on family histories (but then how accurate are they?), IQ facts (anyone could lie), etc. But once we viewed photos, it was all over, because photos don't lie. That may sound shallow, but I'd like for my baby to not be crossed eyed with a hairlip. And if we have to pay big money for a donor, well then we might as well pick someone who is at least average-looking, right?
I used to care about the donor's listed occupation, IQ, biography, reasons for donating, etc. but I've come to the conclusion that most (not all) of these donors are full of sh-t. Most of them are young, as young as 18. And when an 18-yr-old writes about "donating to help families in need", I find myself thinking 'what crap. you are just immature, donating for beer money, and you don't understand the ramifications of what could happen when/if your baby shows up at your door 18 years down the road'. Additionally, is the sperm of a smart man who holds a highly respected, well paying job so much more desireable than a man of so-so intelligence who is employed as a janitor? Because when it all comes down to it, you never know what you're going to get and I think what really counts is the way we raise our child.
The truth is that no matter where our baby comes from, I will be happy, honestly. But in the meantime, it's hard to make these decisions.
Yesterday, for the first time in almost a year, R decided to browse profiles of sperm donors listed with the bank we plan to use (not definite, but nearly) while I sat at the other desk and worked. She'd break every couple of minutes to read a snippet from someone's profile or to ask if I preferred red hair over blue eyes because she couldn't find a donor that had both.
But really, does it matter? Does it matter if the donor has red hair or black hair or blue eyes or brown eyes? Because our baby, no matter what, won't have my blood and won't look like me. Hell, the baby might not even look like Rachel. So, why do I care? Are physical attributes that important?
Once upon a time I didn't think they were. We'd selected a few browser profiles we liked based on family histories (but then how accurate are they?), IQ facts (anyone could lie), etc. But once we viewed photos, it was all over, because photos don't lie. That may sound shallow, but I'd like for my baby to not be crossed eyed with a hairlip. And if we have to pay big money for a donor, well then we might as well pick someone who is at least average-looking, right?
I used to care about the donor's listed occupation, IQ, biography, reasons for donating, etc. but I've come to the conclusion that most (not all) of these donors are full of sh-t. Most of them are young, as young as 18. And when an 18-yr-old writes about "donating to help families in need", I find myself thinking 'what crap. you are just immature, donating for beer money, and you don't understand the ramifications of what could happen when/if your baby shows up at your door 18 years down the road'. Additionally, is the sperm of a smart man who holds a highly respected, well paying job so much more desireable than a man of so-so intelligence who is employed as a janitor? Because when it all comes down to it, you never know what you're going to get and I think what really counts is the way we raise our child.
The truth is that no matter where our baby comes from, I will be happy, honestly. But in the meantime, it's hard to make these decisions.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
FIRST ENTRY
Hi, I'm Ju. I'm a 29-year-old Graphic Designer living in Georgia. I share a lovely home with my wife, R, and our four "kids" -- two cats, Wagamama and Josephine, and two dogs, Lilly and Moby. And the only thing that could make my happy life better would be to have children and raise a family with R.
There are a lot of decisions left to make, but we are almost certain we want to use an anonymous sperm donor through a bank and that R will carry the first baby. If and when we decide to have a second, that's when I'll carry.
We'd like to start "trying" in the Spring and have begun with the preparations. R put $3000 into flex-spending to help with insemination costs by using pre-tax dollars, thus allowing us to save a ton. We've been using a basal thermometer to chart her temperature daily. And G-d knows, we've been reading all of the literature we can. We have contact with a lawyer who specializes in GLBT second-parent adoption, which we will persue once we're further along.
Of course, there are many legal obstacles we face, which affect the decisions we make. And I have my own issues about becoming a second-parent adoptive Mom. (ie, Will my family accept the baby as mine?) I'll be writing more about that as time goes on, so be sure to check back often.
There are a lot of decisions left to make, but we are almost certain we want to use an anonymous sperm donor through a bank and that R will carry the first baby. If and when we decide to have a second, that's when I'll carry.
We'd like to start "trying" in the Spring and have begun with the preparations. R put $3000 into flex-spending to help with insemination costs by using pre-tax dollars, thus allowing us to save a ton. We've been using a basal thermometer to chart her temperature daily. And G-d knows, we've been reading all of the literature we can. We have contact with a lawyer who specializes in GLBT second-parent adoption, which we will persue once we're further along.
Of course, there are many legal obstacles we face, which affect the decisions we make. And I have my own issues about becoming a second-parent adoptive Mom. (ie, Will my family accept the baby as mine?) I'll be writing more about that as time goes on, so be sure to check back often.
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