We do, that's who!
Yesterday, for the first time in almost a year, R decided to browse profiles of sperm donors listed with the bank we plan to use (not definite, but nearly) while I sat at the other desk and worked. She'd break every couple of minutes to read a snippet from someone's profile or to ask if I preferred red hair over blue eyes because she couldn't find a donor that had both.
But really, does it matter? Does it matter if the donor has red hair or black hair or blue eyes or brown eyes? Because our baby, no matter what, won't have my blood and won't look like me. Hell, the baby might not even look like Rachel. So, why do I care? Are physical attributes that important?
Once upon a time I didn't think they were. We'd selected a few browser profiles we liked based on family histories (but then how accurate are they?), IQ facts (anyone could lie), etc. But once we viewed photos, it was all over, because photos don't lie. That may sound shallow, but I'd like for my baby to not be crossed eyed with a hairlip. And if we have to pay big money for a donor, well then we might as well pick someone who is at least average-looking, right?
I used to care about the donor's listed occupation, IQ, biography, reasons for donating, etc. but I've come to the conclusion that most (not all) of these donors are full of sh-t. Most of them are young, as young as 18. And when an 18-yr-old writes about "donating to help families in need", I find myself thinking 'what crap. you are just immature, donating for beer money, and you don't understand the ramifications of what could happen when/if your baby shows up at your door 18 years down the road'. Additionally, is the sperm of a smart man who holds a highly respected, well paying job so much more desireable than a man of so-so intelligence who is employed as a janitor? Because when it all comes down to it, you never know what you're going to get and I think what really counts is the way we raise our child.
The truth is that no matter where our baby comes from, I will be happy, honestly. But in the meantime, it's hard to make these decisions.