Wednesday, October 25, 2006


R and I are both going through a difficult time right now, but for some reason, I am having an especially hard time with this. I can hardly go an hour without bursting into tears while working at my desk. And I'm exhausted. Totally drained. I've been sleeping excessively and still, I want more sleep. I just feel terrible, even though I'm trying really hard to remain positive about the good stuff.

Also, I feel guilty for not being able to try myself and for that not being an option. If I can ever get well, which eventually I will, then maybe I can try. But right now there's not even the slightest bit of a possibility, so it makes me feel even worse.

We're in a wierd situation with the donor stuff. The donor we used last time, who has a remarkably high sperm count, is the donor we'd like to use again. However, he's quite popular according to Xytex. We can either:

  • immediately purchase the two vials he has left (which, by now, are probably sold out), which are washed (we prefer unwashed), and pay extra for storage

  • or

  • we can be put on a pending list, which has nine people ahead of us

  • or

  • we can say screw it and choose another donor altogether.

Then again, who knows what we'll do next. We haven't given up on trying, but we made an appointment to go to this adoption information session thingie the first weekend in November. We scheduled it two months ago and had kind of forgotten about it. Well, at least I had forgotten, but then R reminded me and we decided we're still going to check it out.

In the meantime, we're wondering what our next move should be. Do we try another IUI? I mean, we've only done four, which isn't that much, but also, we don't want to continue going that route if it won't work. So, do we skip ahead and go for IVF? I'd be all for it, except that it's soooo bloody expensive. I don't want to spend $15,000 for one chance at something that may not work. That would suck a lot more than only $5,000, which is what we've spent total so far for four IUI tries.

Needless to say, we have so many questions.

1 comment:

vee said...

I'm so sorry that you're feeling crappy - no surprise after the latest rollercoaster ride.:-(

I'm sure the added donor hassle is really not what you need.

I don't have anything useful to suggest about that, or about the decision you face about switching to IVF or not, but I hope whatever you decide, things start looking up for you guys soon.