Tuesday, April 17, 2007

ON PINS AND NEEDLES

R and I are both a mess, on pins and needles, and weary with anxiousness/nervousness. The thought of waiting two weeks for an ultrasound is too much to handle. Plus, R is on a progesterone supplement, so if things do go wrong, her body won't react naturally and expel what it needs to. (progesterone will prevent a period) So, we're freaking out, thinking something could go wrong (or has gone wrong) and that we wouldn't/don't know it because of the supplementation.

So, I put in a call to the doctor's office. I requested an additional quant test for R and scheduled it for Thursday morning. I'm personally worried that it's not early enough, as R was complaining this afternoon on the phone about "feeling funny" (in this case, 'funny' meaning that she doesn't feel like anything. To quote her, "I just feel like me with bigger boobs"). But, then again, if things do tank, there's nothing the doctor's office can do anyways. So, we wait.

The nurse said she was going to talk to the doctor, so I'm sure if it's anything to fret over, the doctor will have us come in right away. At any rate, I'm glad we'll be testing on Thursday, although I don't know if we can last even that long.

I've been so worried that I wake up during the night about every 30 minutes, maybe even more often than that. The last time R miscarried, it was in the middle of the night. She'd gotten up to pee and I heard a scream from the bathroom. It's like a broken record, playing over and over in my head. So, now I can't really sleep because I'm just listening (not purposely) for anything bad. Every time R gets up to pee, my stomach drops to the floor. It's awful.

I only wish we could skip ahead the next few weeks and be done with it. This is supposed to be an exciting time for us and it's not. It sucks.

2 comments:

vee said...

I'm so sorry that this exciting time is marred by you miscarriage memories. It must be impossible to not think about that constantly. Stay strong for each other and I hope that Thursday's test brings you some relief at least. If I could whizz you ahead a few weeks, I would. Hang in there.

echaso said...

Congratulations! It's hard to believe that once you get through the waiting to test that you just move on to a new stage of waiting. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!!