Saturday, November 11, 2006

WAY LOTTA MARRIED

Evidently, I scared people when I tried to talk about how freaking hard this process is on one's marriage. Thus, let it be known that we are sooo not breaking up. This is just difficult and scary for each of us in such different ways. It is hard to feel sexy/human when you feel like a failed baby-making machine. It ain't easy to live with an overly-hormonal crazy woman.

It is a shame that people don't talk about how stressful this is and the toll that it takes on you as a couple, financially, personally, emotionally, and a few other -ally's. Anyhow, we love each other are very committed to this relationship and are just trying to figure out how we get through this together.

Our most recent strategy is to spend a heck of a lot more time together minus our friends. We love them, but we need to be alone a good bit more than we have in the past.

2 comments:

vee said...

I say scare them. You've raised a really important topic and I agree that it is aired far too little.

This is an incredibly stressful process, with many different layers and it changes all the time. I think there is pressure not to talk about how it affects our relationships; I certainly feel inhibited but that sometimes makes me sad.

I'm glad you are both finding your way through this with love. Thank you for raising the issue, it's really got me thinking.

Amanda said...

You are absolutely right about the toll that trying to conceive can take on a relationship. i tried to talk about it a little bit back when i was blogging about our process, but found that it was hard to really verbalize the issues that were present for multiple reasons.

A--your partner most likely reads your blog. Not that they are not 100% aware of the changes taking place or the difficulty that you're experiencing...it's just that you worry about hurting their feelings by broadcasting *your* perspective to the world.

B--you worry that if people see your relationship as fallible, as shaky, or whatever, they're probably thinking, "gosh, these people really shouldn't be having a kid right now!" Which is ridiculous, because if anything, if you make it through the stress, you should be set for life! ;)

Even though T and i almost didn't make it through that stress the first time, we learned a LOT about each other and the needs that we both had while going through it.

i support you guys 100%, and ask that you feel free to share anything that arises, because we're all going through similar things out here--we just may not talk about it as much as we should.