Saturday, November 18, 2006


R is not known for keeping a secret well, whereas I am stubborn enough to be able to take something to my grave. I pride myself in being a good secret-keeper. R, not being able to keep it all in, told her mom that we were using a known donor, and identified him as H, who my ma-in-law met once. Oooh, this made me so, well, mad. Actually, mad isn't the correct word. I was more or less really disappointed and frustrated and upset. H is a great guy, but *I* am the one who's raising our child with R. I don't want her mom always thinking that H is dad and once that idea is planted in one's head, it's hard to shake. It's bad enough that I can't knock R up myself, without having this other person filling in the gap of the other biological parent to anyone who questions it. Make sense? Also, it bothered me because my mom-in-law, when she met H, made remarks about him being such a queen (he's gay) and such. Now, that he's helping us, she's suddenly okay with him? How frustrating!

In other news, we know two ladies in town, though not well at all, who have a little boy who was conceived through a known donor. I'd been dying to get in touch with them to ask what their situation was as far as using a donor contract. Basically, what I found out is this: they did use a contract, but when it came down to it in the end, they were told the contract was "worth about as much as the paper it was on". It didn't amount to a hill of beans and the donor still had to sign away his rights at the time of the adoption. So, that just confirms to me that we're doing the right things -- using a contract, just in case, but being wise enough to avoid debt doing it.

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