I haven't blogged in a while because I have just been way too upset to deal with it. It has been a hell of a month and I am glad things seem to be getting better.
After meeting with the IVF doctor (Dr. S), it seems that we are planning our first (and hopefully only) IVF cycle for June. Dr. S was great and he told us that based on all of the information he had, it was likely that I have some issues with producing eggs that are genetically normal, and so when they are fertilized, they are not able to survive.
Dr. S said that I have both of the genetic markers for neural tube defects (ie, spina bifida) and that I will need to take some additional meds to prevent our child being born with this. Apparantly, the medication is simple: just a very high dose of folic acid combined with B-series vitamins.
He recommended that we do a combination pack of IVF with genetic testing on the embryos to decide which to implant. He says this will give me a much higher rate of pregnancy of at least 60%! Seeing as how we were working with a success rate of less than 10% before, 60% is amazing and we feel really good about it.
The clinic Dr. S runs has an outrageous success rate and our doctor here in town seems to think this guy is a god. And, so far, to us he is! He was kind, funny, and took an enormous amount of time with us (about two hours) to go over everything you can imagine. He talked about all of the possible reasons that we lost the previous pregnancies and never once did he term it in anything other than "this is a medical problem" terms. After having been told that it was "just bad luck" by the staff at my local doctor's office, it was a relief to not have him say that. When someone starts talking about "luck", frankly, it just makes me feel like it is my fault. But when someone talks about screwed up chromosomes, I know I can't change that with my thoughts, behavior, stress level, etc.
Dr. S is trying to get us in a study that looks at the impact of genetic testing of embryos on the pregnancy rates of younger women. We will find out if we get into the study early next week. The really great part about the study is that it will pay for about $10,000 worth of the medical cost of all of this. (Did I mention that insurance pays nothing?!) We are really hopeful that this will be the answer that we are looking for.
I am still intrested in having us get to know Z for all sorts of reasons. The reality is that even the most amazing amount of medical intervention may leave us without a child in our house. I want us to continue to look at what it would mean for us to adopt and if that happens with Z it would be great, but if it doesn't, then I think all three of us would benefit from the experience of getting to know each other.
Z is not expecting to be adopted and because I am already a part of her life, I doubt she would think it was that odd for us to see each other. Foster kids have an enormous number of adults that they have interaction with that a kid in a traditional family would not have, so having us "mentor" her (i.e. hang out together) would not be so very strange. At least I don't think so. (?) Feel free to weigh in.