WISHES

Yesterday, when R first started bleeding, it was light and spotty. I had secretly hoped it was just some implantation bleeding. I'd read somewhere it can happen as late as day twelve from insemination, and according to our calendar, we were still in the window. But my wishes were only just wishes, as R's period became more intense overnight. More than anything, I just really want her to be happy and I know that for this to happen would make her the happiest ever.

Me - I just feel helpless. I'm disappointed and my spouse is so very upset. She cries and I can't fix it. I can try to comfort her the best I can, but it drives me crazy to see her like this. I just want everything to work and I'm worn out. I know R's worn out, too.

R made an appointment with a doctor who is well-known for IVF and with whom our insem-doctor studied under. We'll go for a consultation in mid-January, but we won't be able to do any IVFs for a while due to R's teaching schedule. In the meantime, we'll continue to do a couple more rounds of IUI, since our insurance will now pay for it starting in January. Maybe we'll get lucky and one of those will work.

A strange thing happened to me this afternoon. R had scheduled a telephone call with Dr. A. Because I'm work, I didn't get to listen in or participate. I realized I had a couple of questions which R didn't ask, so I attempted to call the doctor's office myself to speak with Dr. A. Well, she had to run off to a delivery, so she had a staff-person call me back to let me know that's why she didn't return my call. But, she also had that staff-person tell me that any conversation we had, R needed to be present for. WTF?!

You see, for nearly a year now, I am the one who almost always deals with the doctor's office. I coordinate appointments, ask questions, schedule this or that, get medicines called in, pick medicines up, etc. I deal with the doctor and the staff far more than R ever does and certainly, I've had conversations with Dr. A before. But, now she's having someone else tell me that R needs to be present? Who knows, maybe someone is buckling down on her about privacy acts and such. It just threw me for a loop is all.