Tuesday, December 19, 2006

JUST A FEW MORE DAYS (Edit at 3:19 PM)

EDIT: R's period started this afternoon. Back to square one.

We have only a few more days until we know anything for sure about the results of this last insemination. Until today, I was feeling pretty confident that everything was a go, but I seem to have lost it a bit now that R's freaking out and doesn't seem to think it's worked anymore.

For days on end, R's boobs have been the size of Texas and really sore. She's also been tired a lot and complaining of a sore back, as well as having hot flashes. All are classic signs of what one might experience when first pregnant, at least from everything I've read. It's been pretty convincing.

I've managed to keep a really cool head, mostly because I've prepared myself for disappointment. I'm used to being disappointed in my life; if I want to, I can block it all out. And that's what I'm doing. R, on the other hand, isn't so good at doing that. In fact, she's had herself pretty worked up and convinced that we'd be expecting multiples. So, I can only imagine that her disappointment will be even worse than usual.

This morning, R woke up and basically started crying right away. She's gotten herself worked up because her boobs aren't as sore and our pregnancy test came up negative, even though it's probably still too soon to test. Her period isn't due until Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. (what a gift, eh?)

Of course, it could all be fine, too. We could wake up on Christmas, take a test, and get the results we want. But the uncertainty is maddening and R's crying is hard for me to swallow because I simply don't know what to do. I just want to do all the right things.

On another note, R bought a small Christmas present for me. She's a horrible secret-keeper though and couldn't stand it; she had to tell me what it is. It's a 1/32 size (very tiny) violin for a baby/small child. You see, I play violin and I've always talked about doing Suzuki method with my kid one day. When R found this small violin, she said she had to get it for me. Her mom fussed at her for doing that, saying it would curse us. Nevermind the fact that she (my mother-in-law) bought baby booties and a blanket while she was in Paris. Hhhmmpph.


Meredith in Oakland said...

I can completely relate to this roller coaster. I, too, am testing on Christmas eve...well, I am supposed to wait until then but I tested this am. Can you say obsessed? Having been through 2 early m/c this year, it is hard not to get your hopes up and think about every tiny twinge. My partner Lena has adopted your strategy, too...get ready for disappointment. I hope that you get your Christmas wish! I will be checking in.

Merr said...

Well I'll be sending positive thoughts your way.

Pronoia said...

I'm so sorry things haven't worked out this time. I'll be thinking of you.

Andy said...

I'm sorry that it didn't work out this month.

~*~*~*~*Baby Dust~*~*~*~* for next time.

Stacy said...

Crap! I am sorry that this month was a bust. I was really hoping that you would have a Christmas surprise. So sorry.

Melody said...

I'm so sorry. What an awful disappointment.

Is she on progesterone for the second half of her cycle? I am, and it always makes me think I'm pregnant. I get the big nipples and the sore boobs, bloating, terrible crankiness. etc.