Tuesday, July 10, 2007


So, I haven't really been blogging much, in case you haven't noticed. The only reason we still have a blog is because Ju manages to actually post entries, unlike me!

I've had a hard time talking about the baby because it is hard for me to feel like this is all okay and I don't want to feel stupid later when something happens to the baby. I am getting over this because I am starting to see that we really are having a baby and not a medical disaster, which is exciting!

I became a very good fertility patient. I read everything, worked hard to understand what was going on, and talked with doctors endlessly. However, in the process I become very comfortable with the idea that I was unlikely to ever get/stay pregnant. Then, it happened...poof...no more infertility patient! I became a regular OB patient and while I get some special treatment, like a monthly ultrasound (and a doctor who discusses her sex toy purchases), it has been a hard transition to make.

I envy people for whom there is no difficulty getting pregnant because I suspect that they worry less, they know less, and enjoy things a little more. My worry is not helped by the fact that I have a strangely (but not dangerously) placed placenta, thus have been informed that I will not have much feeling/sensation until reatively late in the game (ie, when the kiddo is so big that strangers on the street notice movement).

At any rate, I am begining to relax a little and trying to see things as okay. I am really thrilled about the baby, and as we reach the half way mark things do look more and more ok.


Melody said...

That's completely understandable. After months of infertility and miscarriage, it's easy to imagine you must feel like you're walking on pins and needles all the time. I'm glad everything is going so smoothly this time around and keeping my fingers and toes crossed that you continue to have a smooth, uneventful pregnancy.

Amanda said...

Yes, totally understandable. i can't even imagine the feeling we are going to have when this ACTUALLY happens for us--like not believing it until we really, really SEE it.
It just seems like we've all gotten our hopes up so many times, only to have them dashed. It's no wonder we all start to put up some walls...
i'm so happy for you guys--