OK HERE WE GO AGAIN

ok ok here we go again

Well, as you all know, we are on to try number three. Frankly, I am wondering how much of this I can take. Julianna seems very sane about the whole thing, but I vacillate between feeling okay and freaking completely out.

I went to see my mom the next day after we found out that there was no baby, and she was really supportive. I managed to not cry the whole time I was at her house, which lately has been a major feat. She offered cash to help out with the crazy expensive procedures that are an option (i.e., IVF more drugs etc, etc, etc....) if it should come to that. I was really excited to hear that she was willing to help out in this way and I rationalized our potential acceptance of this money by reminding myself that she did shell out the big bucks for my brother's wedding. Hey, we are probably a bargain by comparison!

Additionally, I find myself trolling adoption sites, watching the heartbreaking stuff on tv this week about foster care, and looking at pictures of children, hoping that one of them will just look like the right kid to me and I will know what to do. I know that one way or another we will become the parents of a child, but I just wonder how all of this will work for us. I have never had much faith in my personal fertility, so while I am generally a pretty optomistic person, this is one area in which I always brace myself for the worst.

I have asked a few friends what IVF was like for them and one of my favorite people said "...you know I tried for three years with my husband to have kids. Then, we walked into an IVF clinic and 15 days later I was pregnant with triplets!" She said it was painful, but not that bad, and that she was given really good drugs. Another woman told me it was the most god-awful, painful, hellish experience of her life. She said she refused all pain meds, even during the egg harvesting, during which she passed out because of the pain. She has two beauitful children as a result. Good for her, but I think I'll take the drugs!

This is another random note: there are a few states that require that the insurance companies pay for IVF. The folks that I know from these states who have had IVF are baffled when they hear me talk about IUI. They all just say "...Well I wasn't getting pregnant after trying for a while, so we did IVF; none of this IUI stuff at all..." AMAZING! They also have generally more positive expereinces, in part because they didn't go through a million IUI cycles.
It makes me wonder what the stats are on IUI vs. IVF and if folks like me trying to get pregnant had finincial help from insurance companies, if fertitly treatment protocol wouldn't be very different?