INFERTILITY FEARS

Now that my winter vacation from school has started I can finally write in our blog!

I got to go visit a friend’s new baby today and she was really beautiful. She was a little on the fussy side, but I think she was tired and hungry and I was nervous. I am sure that babies, not unlike wolves, can sense fear and will cry upon contact with the fearful individual, immediately identifying them as incompetent. I used to not be afraid of infants; it has only been since we decided to have one that this has become an issue for me.

I think that I’m mostly worried that I just can’t have one. I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and while lots of women with PCOS get pregnant everyday, I do not have the luxury of time -- meaning, I can have all the sex I possibly can, but the potential for accidental pregnancy will never be there. I can’t "try" conveniently, making it harder to know if I am fertile. All I know about how easy/hard it will be for me to get knocked up is that I have PCOS and that will make it harder to get pregnant and possibly harder to maintain the pregnancy. I have heard carrying reports on the latter issue and it’s scary!

Our medical plan as it stands is to start off pretty low tech/low cost. I will take a combo pack of Clomid and Metformin, which should increase our chances along with two inter-uterine inseminations with previously frozen sperm per cycle for three cycles. According to all of the research and physician advice we have garnered, if it hasn’t happened using those methods after three tries, it probably won’t take without some additional help.

To be honest, I am unsure how invasive I am willing for things to become or how much our budget can take. Right now, I just am really hoping that we won’t have to cross that bridge and we will magically become pregnant within the first three months. I am hopeful but not confident.

SCARED

As much as I want to have a baby, the thought is at times horrifying. Does anyone else feel the same way?

Things I worry about:

• not getting to spend enough quality time with R


• less freedom to do things on a whim


• financial responsibility


• possibly not liking being a mother


• not having the acceptance and support from family members


• people being cruel to us and/or our baby because we're a GLBT family

These are a few things that come to mind for now. Is this normal?

BASAL TEMPERATURE

I've been using a basal thermometer to take my temperature every morning -- except this past week, I stopped when I couldn't find my thermometer.

The question is -- can I start taking my temperature again now, or do I need to wait? All of this is confusing to me, so any advice would be great.