OUR NEXT INSEM (EDITED @ 1:06PM)

Here's the situation:

Our known donor, H, lives about an hour and a half away. Because there is a one-hour window in which to use his sperm, we're having him spend a weekend with us. (We can't get it and get back home in time) And because we need to do it on a weekend (Dec. 8th-10th), our doctor is extending R's birth control pills by about two or three days to time everything correctly. However, if we use a donor from the bank, we won't extend her pills because we won't have to take the third person's schedule/location into consideration, thus we'd naturally be due for insemination mid-week (Dec. 5th or 6th). Did I explain that well?

In the meantime, H still has to get an updated test, so he's making a doctor appointment for this week/early next week. The other thing that needs to happen is that he needs to sign the contract we have. Some friends of ours (you know who you are! *smile*) were kind enough to allow us to obtain a copy of the contract they're using with their donor, which was drawn up by a lawyer related to them. I am sure the contract is good for them where they live, but I'm not sure if it's good for us here in GA. So, I contacted a lady I know who is a lawyer and specializes in fertility/adoption law. I'm going to have her review this contract and if need be, revise it or draw up a new one altogether. I'm not sure what her fees are, but some other friends of ours who used her services for their whole adoption said it was reasonable, so surely one contract fee wouldn't be so terrible. Anyway, I know I'll feel better knowing we've had everything checked out.

We still have a donor from the bank selected in case everything falls apart and we need to use it instead of H. But, gosh, I am reeeeeeeaaaaaaaally hoping that this thing with H goes smoothly!

WAY LOTTA MARRIED

Evidently, I scared people when I tried to talk about how freaking hard this process is on one's marriage. Thus, let it be known that we are sooo not breaking up. This is just difficult and scary for each of us in such different ways. It is hard to feel sexy/human when you feel like a failed baby-making machine. It ain't easy to live with an overly-hormonal crazy woman.

It is a shame that people don't talk about how stressful this is and the toll that it takes on you as a couple, financially, personally, emotionally, and a few other -ally's. Anyhow, we love each other are very committed to this relationship and are just trying to figure out how we get through this together.

Our most recent strategy is to spend a heck of a lot more time together minus our friends. We love them, but we need to be alone a good bit more than we have in the past.

COULD ANYTHING ELSE HAPPEN?!?

Last night it came to my attention that the subfloor in our one and only bathroom is rotting! I am basically so freaked about this, I cannot even express it. I know it is not the end of the world and a contractor referred to us by a good friend is coming out this week to asses the damage. It is just MORE MONEY that is being sucked away from OUR BABY. I think the whole bathroom redo will come in around $5,000 or so. YUCK! Especially because the bathroom is really cute already, so it is not much of a cosmetic plus.

Additionally, somehow the plug to the refrigerator managed to become unplugged for about 48 hours and we had (i.e. I felt it prudent) to throw out all of the groceries ( I really fear food poisoning after having lived in Asia for a few years and having some HELLISH previous experiences). Again, it's not the end of the world, but it has been a hell of a week!

Ju took me out and let me test-drive strollers today, which is what I do when I am really bummed about all of this crap that is going on in our lives. I can't wait 'til we can look back and laugh. (By the way, I have decided that I want a mint green Peg Perego lightweight stroller with a matching click-in baby car seat and a McClaran Volo for quick trips. The crazier the color, the better.) Have I mentioned that I have already picked the nusery stuff, too? My friends (sometimes Ju, too) think that I am crazy, but they are unfortunately not surprised... I am compulsive. Feel free not to make too much fun of me for this.

In another week and a half I start taking more drugs than I have ever taken before. The truth is I am scared. Scared of all of the drugs, not getting pregnant, using a known donor, "wasting" more money by not getting pregnant, or worst of all, having to deal with the reality that this may never happen for us. The fancy-schmancy stoller may always just be on the wish list, and I will have to say things like "Well, we tried, but it just never worked out for us".

I remember when we started trying that a friend (who no less than a decade ago went through fertility hell and decided to just let it go and be happy with her husband) was very sweet and listened to me be unbelievably sure that this would happen, quickly. Then, when we lost that first pregnancy, she was supportive and said that while it was awful, at least I knew what it would feel like (emotionally) when it didn't work. The problem is that it feels different every time. It is brand new every time. Until now, every time we have tried has felt like brand new hope and excitement. This round, I lack that enthusiasm and it all feels like worry that I have a week and a half to shake off. OY, any suggestions?

HERE'S WHAT DR. A HAD TO SAY

Our chat with Dr. A went really well! We went over our options and she recommended another try with IUI. We'd planned on doing this anyway for insurance reasons. R's new insurance will cover tries beginning in January, only we had to have done it -x- number of times already. If we do it once more in December, we'll meet that number. Also, one more try will push us just over the edge financially that R can claim it on her taxes. Woo-hoo!

We discussed Letrozole, the drug that Dr. A initially suggested R switch to, but decided to stick to Clomid. Letrozole comes with a risk of birth defects and also cannot be used with other drugs. So, we're sticking to Metformin, Dexamethasone, and an increased amount of Clomid. I dread the craziness that it brings, but R and I feel this is best combination.

Somehow, the conversation came up so that Dr. A said something like, "It's too bad you don't know some guys who would just be willing to help you out...". That was when we told her about my pal, H, who recently agreed to be a donor. We hadn't decided 100% at the time he offered about whether or not we'd use him, but we've been thinking about it for a couple of weeks now and we've pretty much decided to go with it, especially since Dr. A was so willing to work with us on it. In fact, she was downright excited.

One of our main concerns was that we wouldn't have any support from our physician in doing this, but if she's willing to sign off on it and say we used a "donor", it will help us tremendously. Also, we had concerns about H changing his mind and wanting involvement with the kid sometime down the road (even though he says now that he wants no responsibility) and what we've decided is that if at some point it comes up, it would be okay if he was involved -- not in a "father" role, but involved, if that makes sense. He's a great guy and it wouldn't be so bad for our kid to know him.

Dr. A wants H to get tested for HIV and a number of other diseases and when I talked to him last night, he said that was no big deal. I'm not worried about it, as I happen to know that H has had one sex-partner in a period of five years and the last time he slept with that person was two years ago. I figure he's probably pretty low-risk.

One exciting thing -- I'd noticed that Dr. A's website sucked, so I asked if she was happy with it. She said it was really lame and I told her we could do business. (I'm a Web Developer & Graphic Designer) I think she was kind of excited, but we'll see. This could be a very good thing for me/us!

As far as when our next try will be, we're aiming for a weekend. H lives an hour and a half or so away, so we need to be able to have him here to donate. (Once a specimen is obtained, there's about an hour window before sperm start to die down, and there's no way we could get it and get home in an hour, so he'll have to come here.) Dr. A said this was not a problem, as we can simply extend the pills R's on by a few extra days to time it correctly, if we need to. However, she thinks R's cycle will fall on a weekend anyway.

We feel so much better now that we've had a chance to get a plan together. We like to be in-the-know and lately, we've had so many questions, that everything has felt sort of all-over-the-place. I think we're making some good decisions and I'm excited about getting on with it.

TOMORROW

Tomorrow, R and I have an appointment with our doctor to discuss what happens next and to go over our options. We're lucky because we'll see Dr. A at 4:00 and she has nothing scheduled after that, so we'll have plenty of time to really talk. I'm so nervous to hear what she'll say, but I'm also excited and eager to get as much information as we can! (In case no one noticed, R and I like to be informed.) Also, we really like the staff at our clinic and we really enjoy seeing everyone.

Some of the questions we plan to ask:

1. the benefits of Letrozole vs. Clomid?


2. are there any drug combinations that work well in combination with Letrozole?


3. should we use injectables instead? is that something Dr. A would be willing to do/monitor?


4. how many more rounds of IUI before seeking out IVF?


5. how many follicles would Dr. A like to see?


6. nutrition/supplements? foods to avoid?

These are all I can think of off the top of my head, but I'm sure I'll come up with more. R will have plenty to say, too, I am sure! Is there anything else we're obviously missing??

MARRIAGE AND IVF THOUGHTS

We survived another week post near-baby miss. In the last week and a half Ju went out of town for work, we lost the almost-baby, and I started a new job. We have been a little bit busy. Right now, we are mostly focusing on each other and our marriage. Not to worry -- we are not about to hit the skids, but this has been hard on both of us in very different ways.

The good news is that we are, overall, doing really well, even if we are a little confused about what the hell we are supposed to do next about the baby. My favorite next-door neighbor, Kate, commented that she thought we were the kind of couple that is able to deal with the special kind of joy that fertility brings and grow from it. It was a really kind comment; I know that I have not been the easiest spouse lately.

We are carefully considering our next move right now and IVF feels more to me like the answer. The truth is, I don't really know what to do. I just really want us to have a kid or two and not have us lose our minds and go broke trying.

So, now for my questions to all of you in baby making land:

a) When/how did you know it was time to move on to an IVF cycle from IUI?
b) How did you fiance the sucker?
c) Has anyone taken Letrozole? If so, what is the story on my doctor's new IUI drug of choice?
d) How long did it take you to set up an IVF cycle?

I know it is a lot of questions, but I am a gal in need of information and understanding.

Oh, by the way, Ju talked to her friend about the sperm donation and he said "Sure, it is just going to waste anyway...". How funny that he seems to view it as nothing.

TALKIN' ABOUT DONORS

Ages ago, two male friends of mine offered to donate their sperm. One guy insisted on doing it the old-fashioned way (eew!) so we immediately excluded him as a possibility. The other guy travels on the job and is only home for a couple of days out of the month, so he got excluded by default, as it is too hard to coordinate with someone who is never around.

In the meantime, one of my close male friends, H, has made comments here and there, jokingly, about donating. But now I'm wondering if he's really joking, or if he'd sincerely agree, should I approach him. You see, he's made jokes in the past that turned out to not be jokes, so I'm wondering if this is one of those situations. R and I have thought about approaching him, but my goodness, how the heck am I supposed to do that? I have no clue what to say. I don't want him to feel pressured or wierd, ya know.

Any thoughts?

WHEN TO MOVE ON?

Things are pretty much about making sure we are still putting one foot in front of the other around here. We are both so upset and just trying to deal with all of this.

I made an appointment to go and talk with our doctor and see what she has to say. I want to learn more about the medicine she thinks we should try next time, and how many more IUI cycles she thinks we should do before moving on to more invasive stuff.

I need a plan badly. I need to know what we should be doing, and what the game plan is long range. It makes me feel a lot more okay when I know what to expect. Right now I feel like I don't have any vision of where we are going or what our real chances are, etc. I know that the more we try, the less likely it is to happen. At what point has our luck just run out?

We are going out with a couple that just completed their sixth try and are waiting to find out the results. They said they think that this will be their last shot and I am curious to know what their reasons are. I am equally curious to know what our doctor has them doing and why

The truth is that I have pretty much lost hope that IUI will ever work for us. I am ready to move on and give IVF a try. I know that it is major money and major physical pain, but I need to know if this will ever work. I need to know in two or three tries of IVF if it is time to move on to adoption, etc., rather than waiting out another few months of IUI then IVF. I just need for us to find out the answer, even if it is an expensive one.

What we are going through is pretty emotionally expensive right now and to be honest, our collective sanity/relationship is worth a good deal more to me that the money IVF would cost. I wonder if I would be able to even deal with IVF if we have to go through all of this again. It is very difficult to know what to do or when to make the leap to IVF.

If anyone has any advice on the subject please share. Similarly, if anyone has any advice on Atlanta area RE's or affording all this high tech baby making, share!

SOME GOOD NEWS

R had open enrollment for insurance this week. She took the paperwork to the insurance specialist at our clinic, who was kind enough to research each plan and the benefits of using one versus another. What we found out is that one of the plans will pay for inseminations. This is great news! It will not, however, cover the cost of donor sperm, but that's okay with us. Buying donor sperm isn't so much a big deal if we don't have to pay for all of the other stuff. It's about time we had some relief.

In the meantime, Amanda from For the Byrds recommended some different sperm banks to us that are less expensive than the one we use. I don't know if these others will meet our needs, but it's definitely something to look into, again (it's been a while since we initially researched, so it may be good to refresh our memories and check on things). Thanks, Amanda!

A THOUGHT

I was just sitting here and thinking about IVF; nothing in particular, other than I had the thought that if we ended up going that route, maybe R could use a combination of her eggs and my eggs. That way, we could have a combo pack of multiples, possibly. Honestly, I don't even know if this is a possibility. Is it?

WHAT NEXT?

R and I are both going through a difficult time right now, but for some reason, I am having an especially hard time with this. I can hardly go an hour without bursting into tears while working at my desk. And I'm exhausted. Totally drained. I've been sleeping excessively and still, I want more sleep. I just feel terrible, even though I'm trying really hard to remain positive about the good stuff.

Also, I feel guilty for not being able to try myself and for that not being an option. If I can ever get well, which eventually I will, then maybe I can try. But right now there's not even the slightest bit of a possibility, so it makes me feel even worse.

We're in a wierd situation with the donor stuff. The donor we used last time, who has a remarkably high sperm count, is the donor we'd like to use again. However, he's quite popular according to Xytex. We can either:

• immediately purchase the two vials he has left (which, by now, are probably sold out), which are washed (we prefer unwashed), and pay extra for storage

or


• we can be put on a pending list, which has nine people ahead of us

or


• we can say screw it and choose another donor altogether.

Then again, who knows what we'll do next. We haven't given up on trying, but we made an appointment to go to this adoption information session thingie the first weekend in November. We scheduled it two months ago and had kind of forgotten about it. Well, at least I had forgotten, but then R reminded me and we decided we're still going to check it out.

In the meantime, we're wondering what our next move should be. Do we try another IUI? I mean, we've only done four, which isn't that much, but also, we don't want to continue going that route if it won't work. So, do we skip ahead and go for IVF? I'd be all for it, except that it's soooo bloody expensive. I don't want to spend $15,000 for one chance at something that may not work. That would suck a lot more than only $5,000, which is what we've spent total so far for four IUI tries.

Needless to say, we have so many questions.

IT'S OVER.

The results from our test this morning came back negative. Dr. A wants R to discontinue taking the progesterone supplements so she can expel, ie, have a period. This is terribly upsetting, but not surprising given the events of the last week.

We're taking a month off, at least, and we're thinking we'll try again over Christmas break; that is, if we're up to it. In the meantime, the doctor wants R to take Ovcon 35 Oral, which is a type of birth control, I think. She'll also take Letrozole Oral, a medication more commonly known to treat breast cancer, when we start trying again.

For now, we just need time to cope and process this.

JU's WORDS

For my story about my trip home and how my Mom is handling the news of all of this (she didn't know we'd been trying or anything), visit my blog at Ju 2006.

To follow up on what I wrote there, I got an email from my Mom this evening. She wanted to thank me for coming and for helping her with her new computer. But mainly, she wanted to check on R. It was pleasantly surprising. I just can't believe she's being so calm and okay. I'm honestly still waiting for it to sink in and for her to throw a fit.

Both R and I forgot to mention that we met two new gals in Athens who are also trying. Well, I say met, but really, we've only spoken with them via telephone, but we made arrangements to have dinner with them later this week. It's kinda funny because our doctor is the one who arranged for us to meet. She asked us if it was okay to pass along our info and asked them the same. So, here we are.

I don't know a whole lot about them, other than one of them is pretty butch and they've been trying to conceive (by the way, I despise the shortened acronym "TTC" -- I hate the way it looks or something -- reminds of those ta-ta-for-now "TTFN" acronyms that people use far too often in email exchanges) for almost a year unsuccessfully. I also know, though, that they haven't been very aggressive with it as far as medications and such.

Anyway, we're kind of excited to know anyone else doing this in our own town and the butch one is glad to meet me, I think, because she doesn't have anyone to talk to about her role in this. I feel the same.

As for us, we made it through the weekend. That's longer than we expected. And oddly enough, R's still having lots of signs, ie, sore boobs, back pain, and today she had morning sickness. We had to stop the car early in the day for her to puke and then when we returned from Target this evening, she hurriedly got out of the car and puked in our driveway. Poor thing. It could be stress, we don't know.

We have our appointment with our doctor in the morning to do more blood work. We'll have results within a couple of hours after that, probably around lunch time. We're both really hoping for good news. Keep those good thoughts/prayers/etc coming -- we'll take all we can get!

ONE VERY LONG WEEKEND

We are still very hopeful but trying to be realistic. This has all been very difficult, mostly because we just don't know. I would love to know what the deal is but we just don't and this is hard. Ju went to her mom's to clean out her old high school stuff from the house at her mom's obsessive insistence, so I was sent to my mother's for safe keeping while Ju is away. I know this is strange, but it is kinda nice not to be home and not to be around Ju because it makes me feel a little more normal, a little less like this is really happening to us.

We talked with our wonderful Dr. on Friday because she is going out of town next week, which is upsetting because she is a life line and I like to have her support and counsel. She told us that she was not really ready to throw in the towel on this pregnancy and that because my progestrone level is in her words "awesome" she felt we might have a shot. We will go back for more tests on Monday and see how things look. So far, so good. She also said that we might want to take a month off if this pregnancy doesn't continue and take birth control pills to suppress my ovaries and them hit them with an enormous chunk of stimulating drugs. Scary, but okay.

I have a lot going on this month, which for anyone who knows me, is kind of a joke; like, when are things in life ever calm??? The lady who will be taking over my job is going to be there on Monday morning to start figuring things out. I will also begin to pack up my things and take them out of my classroom to get ready to take them to my new school. I love the people I work with and this is beyond scary for me to move to a new place with a very different professional culture, from what I hear anyway. I am thrilled about the job but super-scared that I won't be any good at it, and they will be sorry they ever picked me. It looks like Nov. 1st will be day one of the new job. OY VAY!!!

I am pretty out in my current job and now I will have to begin the annoying process of helping everyone else process my gayness, again. Good times, I tell you. Oh well, it was bound to happen sooner or later.

On the house front, we are devoting next weekend to working on the house and making choices about the sale of the house. Like, if we want to try it by ourselves again or if we want to list it, along with all of the repercussions of these choices and what it is, exactly, that we want to do.

Being a grown-up is so complicated!!!!

WHO KNOWS...

It's late afternoon on Friday and we're still hanging in there. The results from R's progesterone test came in and the nurse relayed to us that Dr. A said it looked "awesome." So, that's something good, right?

Although, I must admit, I'm a bit confused as to what this means, exactly, and how this helps/hurts us. The test yesterday was to check hcg, I think, which should be at a level of 5. It wasn't. Yet, the doctor's office only gave us a "maybe" because they were waiting for the progesterone test to come back. Now that they have "awesome" results, does this mean things are looking up?

I just don't know what's going on right now. It all seems too surreal. But hopefully, we'll hear from Dr. A today and we'll have an inkling.

I DON'T HAVE A TITLE

While R is *technically* pregnant, the hormone levels don't seem strong enough to be able to maintain it. We fully expect for this to go away either today or over the weekend. The pregnancy test this morning was negative. That's not good.

But we're plodding along and who knows, maybe this is all just a test of our patience and our wanting, and maybe this will all work out. There's the tiniest sliver of a chance and I guess that's better than nothing.

In the meantime, there's lots of tears and lots of worry. R's got the day off from work, just in case something goes wrong. I'll probably go to work for a while, but I'll be "on call" and will probably come home early.

A LITTLE BIT PREGNANT

Whoever said you can't be a little bit pregnant is wrong! Continue reading to find out why:

This morning, R got up and as she's done every morning for days on end, took another pregnancy test. Just after that she left for work. And then just after that, the test turned positive. I got really excited and called R at work to leave a message for her before leaving to go to work myself.

I had to stop at the store on my way to work to pick up a couple of little things and ran into our doctor, of all people. She asked how we were doing and I told her that we got a positive test this morning. She got a bit excited and told us to come in for a blood test today. So, on my way to work, I called to leave R another message to say she needed to do a blood test today.

Finally, I arrived at work and just as I was getting all settled into my office, my phone rang. I assumed it was R returning my calls, but instead it was the school where she teaches. They asked if I could come pick her up because she'd gotten sick and passed out at school. Of course, I left my job and headed right over.

So, I picked up R and we headed straight to the doctor's office, where we did a blood test. On the way there, R reminded me of the story her mom has told a million times. Basically, the story is that the only time R's mom ever passed out in her life was when she was very first pregnant. Of course, R thinks this is what is happening with her, too.

We got our results from the doctor a little while ago. Dr. A's answer is "maybe". Not a no, not a yes, just maybe. She wants us to do another blood test on Monday, but by then we'll probably know on our own anyway, as R is supposed to start her period tomorrow or Saturday. So, as it stands now, we are a little bit pregnant.

This is sooooooooooo frustrating!!! Actually, there are no words to describe how this feels. We just want an answer. We can deal with yes. We can deal with no. But we just need to know what we're dealing with!

CONVERSATION

R's been displaying some of the tell-tale signs of being pregnant, yet our tests are coming up negative. We weren't sure if the medicines and hormones were causing her body to do wierd things, or if it could possibly be that the hormones would cause a negative result, so I called Dr. A's office to inquire about this.

I spoke with the nurse/coordinator and told her what was going on - ie, R's been having some nausea, her boobs are the size of Texas, and she's been feeling "wierd", etc. The nurse said, "Oh, that's good!" I inquired about the testing and she checked our chart, then told me it was too early. So, I guess I have to take her word for it.

At any rate, I feel the slightest bit relieved, at least for now. At least I feel justified in holding out hope.

PROGESTERONE

On Friday, R had some bloodwork done to test her Progesterone levels. The results were supposed to be in first thing this morning, but instead, they didn't come in until after 2:00pm. As it turns out, the results are okay. R's within the normal range for what the progesterone levels should be, although the doctor said she wished it would be slightly higher. So, Dr. A wants R to take some daily oral supplements.

So, that's where we're at right now. Things could go either way, but we're doing everything we can and everything we're asked to do. I just spoke with R and she's on her way as I write this to pick up her prescription so she can take it before she goes to class tonight.

More coming soon.

WHAT IS A "BETA"?!

Clearly, we want to become pregnant, hopefully soon, because we have spent the family fortune. We're beginning to worry about our ability to financially keep up with the ever-increasing cash and emotional/hormonal demands of this process. That said, this morning I got up and faithfully peed on a stick, and well we got nothing. I mean, nothing, which made me feel awful and okay at the same time. I say 'okay' simply because I want the test to scream "you are having a baby some time in late June!!!" However, I also know my semi-positive stuff could all just be trigger shot silliness as I read on the internet this AM:

Every woman's metabolism is different, but as a general rule of thumb, you should allow 1 day for every 1,000 units of hCG you injected. The standard hCG dose is 10,000 units; thus, 10 days after the shot, the synthetic hCG should be gone and you should be able to test for pregnancy without detecting the shot. However, you should ask your doctor what the recommended protocol for your dosage is.

Some women choose to test daily to monitor the essence of the hCG in their bodies; once the synthetic hCG is gone, the tests become negative. If the hCG "comes back" and the HPT's turn positive again, it's likely due to a pregnancy and not the leftover hormone shot.

I would reference the site but I don't remember which of the 4,000 sites I looked at it was on... sorry!

Anyhow, we are just hanging in there to see how this goes.

I will say, however, the only time I have ever seen any sort of positive was the first time we did it, which is when I had what I believe to be an amazingly early miscarriage. I stupidly did not really acknowledge it at the time and made no effort to slow my life down whatsoever afterwards, and ended up giving myself shingles.

NOW COULD SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT A BETA IS???

I did go in Friday to have my progesterone checked and we will find out the results first thing tomorrow (Monday) morning. Depending on the results, I may need to go in for a dose of extra progesterone, so I can try to hold on to these hopefully fertilized eggs.

#3

Okay, a third test was taken this morning -- but pretty much, there's nothing there. I mean, there is the slightest bit of a faint line, much lighter than what has shown up before. We feel slightly disappointed, but we're reminding ourselves that it's still early.

TESTING, ONE, TWO

After last night's testing experience, we decided to do a second test this morning, when R's sample would be most concentrated. Again, the test did the same thing, with a faint line, but this time the line was darker. See?


R's test #2, without a flash


R's test #2, with the camera flash

We were thinking that the test could be false positive because of all of the hormones R's been taking. But then the fact that today's test was darker seems to negate that theory.

I took a test myself, just to see what would happen and if mine would yield any sort of extra line. The results:


my test = negative!

Even after several hours, my test still shows no signs of the extra line. We were told that sometimes if you wait too long, the extra line would show up. But that hasn't happened.

So... we're thinking R's test is definitely a positive. Now, whether or not it is a real positive has yet to be seen.

*keeping fingers crossed*

FAINT POSITIVE???

Every day, R's been saying that she was sure everything worked this time. I've been so excited, I can hardly stand it. Then, today, R came home and announced she wasn't so sure anymore. So, even though we know pregnancy tests down't work this early on, we did one anyway. Even though it doesn't make any sense, it actually made us feel better, somehow.

Anyway, R did the test but had to leave quickly as she was running behind schedule to meet up with a friend. So, I'm sitting here looking at this pregnancy test and I swear, I think there's a faint positive line. Now, I don't know if it's a fluke, my imagination, or the real deal.

I've taken a photograph. What do ya think?

CHANGES?

This is kind of a strange question -- but of those of you who have had pregnancies, did you notice any immediate changes "down there"?

R says "it feels different" and sure enough, when I checked things out, it felt different -- sort of spongy, but hard beneath, if that makes any sense.

Any thoughts out there?

p.s. Happy Coming Out Day!

YADA YADA YADA

Okay, I know that this is really crazy because I am not a calm person. People who know me can attest to this. I am pretty manic, and go a little nuts if things don't go my way. However, I am feeling oddly calm; so calm it makes me uncalm. It truly feels just like things are going to be just great and I don't really have to sweat it. Baby or no baby, we will be exactly perfect. It might just be my own body's relief over not being poked, prodded, tested, medicated, and messed with for a few weeks, or it might be that we have reached what I am sure is a brief stint experiencing the zen and art o' baby making.

This is not to say that I am sure it will work, only sure that we/our drs./the donor, etc. have done our dead-level best and that we are getting closer, even if we are not actually there yet. That a baby could happen.

I have had plenty of days where I thought that it was impossible, that it was really just time to give up and admit that it was time to talk seriously about trying to adopt. I am not against adoption, for us or anyone else. I think that it is great. I am just afraid of all of the horror stories. Not that fertility doesn't come with horror, but it is a horror that I feel more in control of (I don't claim to make sense). It worries me to think that a new mom whose child was promised to us could change her mind and we could walk away without a baby when we were so close. I know that if/when we get to a point where adoption makes sense for us that we will not hesitate. I am just glad that day is not today and that hope has returned in whatever small way to this endeavor and to us as a couple.

Obviously, we talked about how hard it was to try and not be successful or be semi-successful for a day. I just don't really think even I knew how hard this had been on us individually or collectively until things changed and the process started looking promising again. Even when we started the process this round we were so cautious and sad. I have just been braced for the bottom to fall out any minute. Everything changed when the egg count was up and the sperm looked like they were actually MOVING.

Like I said, I am sure that this is only a moment of calm in a much wider and wilder sea of parent making and parenting, but it is nice to be in right now. I appreciate the break.

SPERM COUNTS

Yesterday, R and I went to Dr. A for our first insemination, using Donor #1. They'd just finished "washing" as we arrived and we got to view the specimen under a microscope. My word, it was amazing! I mean, the whole field was totally covered in moving sperm, without a bit of blank space inbetween. It was completely unlike any other specimen sample we'd seen in past inseminations. Needless to say, we were very excited about this, as was everyone else present. Lots more happened and R wants to blog, so I'll leave my comments to the topic of sperm count only and she can fill in the other details.

my rendition of Donor #1's sperm count

This morning, we went in for insemination number two, using Donor #2. Since it's Saturday, one nurse and Dr. A had to come in just for us. We arrived while the nurse was "washing" and we just chilled out and talked with her for a long time. Dr. A had not yet arrived, as she was still busy with patients at the hospital. Anyway, the nurse showed us the specimen under the microscope. To say we were disappointed with what we saw is an understatement. I mean, there were only a few sperm crawling around, with all this blank space inbetween.

As it turns out, the count of Donor #2 isn't bad; as long as there are at least ten per field of power, it's good. When Dr. A arrived, she said he was okay, but that she could understand our disappointment in comparison to Donor #1. In fact, she said that Donor #1 had an abnormally high count; the most she's seen!

my rendition of Donor #2's sperm count

FROM THE DESK OF R

We are so excited that there was more than one little egg-o this time!! I am kind of at the end of my rope, homonally seaking, and having more than one egg really made me feel like it was all worth it; that we are still in the baby making game and that there is some hope. The last few weeks have been very difficult because the drugs have been pretty intense, both physically and hormonally, and because there has just been a lot going on in general.

We have had things go haywire with the sale of the house and my job has been a bit challenging to say the least. Fortunately, we are taking a bit of a house break this week. We will meet with an agent next Monday about listing our house. We are considering flipping our house, essentially, and will be talking to the agent about which improvements will have the most impact on the sale price of our house when we relist it. There have been a few very sucessful and profitable flips in our neighborhood and if it means a lot more money, I am willing to live in a construction zone for a few months. The truth is that our house is very small, but we could make it work with a little one if need be. Plus, all the improvements that we would make would be things that we want done if we wind up having to stay in the house for some reason.

As for the job, things are going very well there, but I am just crazy-busy trying to keep my head above water. This time of year is always hard because it is a very long stretch to make it from the beginning of the school year (Aug 1st) to Thanksgiving break at the end of November. This is a very typical time of year to start to lose it a little :).

I am trying to be realistic about the baby, but I am very hopeful. Even if it doesn't work I know that we have a pretty good shot with the drug combo we have used this round.

MORE THAN ONE

We went for R's ultrasound today and it wasn't a bit too early, as the eggs Dr. A detected are quite mature. We've decided to do a dual insemination and I'll drive three hours tomorrow morning to pick up the extra specimen. Tonight R has to have the HCG injection, but the woman who usually assists us is out of town. Our next-door neighbor works in a pharmacy lab, however, and has arranged for us to do the injection with one of his co-workers, who has lots of experience administering shots.

We'll have our first insemination late tomorrow afternoon and then the second on Saturday morning. We're excited, but the fucked up and funny part is that we're using two different donors for the two inseminations. So, technically, we could end up with twins that have different biological fathers! How insane is that?!

I ended up telling my boss today about what we're doing and I was so surprised at how accepting and supportive she's being. It's awesome! I mean, she is so excited about this and said she was going to pray for us and keep good thoughts for us. I am just so excited to have people around me at work who I don't have to tiptoe around because they're all so supportive and encouraging.

DYE TEST IS OVER

R had the dye test today to see if her fallopian tubes had any blockages. It was really interesting to see up on screen because it didn't look anything like the diagram you see in health class. Her fallopian tubes are very long and they wind all around. They're higher on one side than the other, too.

We'd been told by the doctor herself that the test would be really painful, but R said it wasn't that bad. It hurt some during the procedure, but afterwards she felt okay. Our doctor said everything looked really good. She did, however, move our ultrasound up one day, rather than waiting until Friday to do it. Better early than too late.

Dr. A mentioned that she'd had a lot of success lately doing dual insemination with unwashed sperm. Strangely enough, the specimen we ordered this month only came in unwashed, so that's what we have. We don't have enough to do a dual insemination, but if the ultrasound results tomorrow are really good, I'm going to order a second vile and drive the three hours to pick it up. I mean, if we're going all out, then we might as well do everything we can.

One funny thing - I ran into my boss while I was at the hospital. When we arrived, we were told we needed to go and register, something we didn't know we'd have to do as no one told us ahead of time. So, we went to register and then had to sit in this waiting area while they processed everything, which took about 45 minutes. At some point, R got up to use the restroom and right then my boss came in. She was just as surprised to see me as I was her and we spoke for a few minutes. As it turns out, she has an aunt who is very ill and has just started chemo, so she was there to visit. It was really strange. On the bright side, at least my boss knew I was doing something legitimate and not just ditching work for no good reason.

SPERM PANIC

All week, R and I knew we'd have to purchase our donor sperm. At first, I put it off for a day or so while I tried to figure out what to do about shipping. (shipping vs. picking it up, when to ship, etc.) After that, R kept asking me to go ahead and purchase, suggesting I put in on my one and only credit card, which has a very small limit. I'd said to her that there wasn't enough there for me to charge it, but somehow she just thought I was being stubborn and refusing to use my card; a communication misunderstanding to say the least.

Friday (payday), I called the donor bank to verify costs, shipping, etc. As of Friday morning, our donor was available. I needed to check on something with R, however, so I told the woman at the bank I'd call back in the afternoon to order. I went to lunch to celebrate my birthday with co-workers and when I returned, I phoned the bank. The woman then told me that our guy was "sold out"; someone had purchased the last available bit sometime between then and when I'd last called.

I got in touch with R right away, who was immediately upset, as I was, over the fact that our chosen donor was no longer available to us. Of course, we had to choose someone else, so she said she trusted me to decide for us. So, I had to go through the database of available donors and somehow, I found one I like even better than the last donor. He's good-looking, has a wonderful family history, is healthy, gave a thoughtful and intelligent essay, and he seems to be really well-rounded. I think I made a good decision. R thinks he's good, too, although she's still really bummed out about not using the guy we originally picked out. She'd just gotten really excited and used to the idea of that first guy, but she's coming around.

The donor sperm we purchased was only available in unwashed, which kind of sucks because we always buy it washed. Fortunately, washing is a service our doctor's practice offers, so it's not that big of a deal; it's just kind of a pain. The total cost of everything was about $100 cheaper, since they didn't have to wash it, but our doctor charges $100 extra to wash it, so it all evens out in the end.

Well, everything is sneaking up upon us quickly. We're very excited, nervous, concerned, anxious... all of the emotions, all at once. We're just keeping a positive attitude, trying to enjoy ourselves, and we're thankful for all the support we're getting. Our friends and folks with whom we work have all been fabulous. Only a few more days to go...

NEWS FROM JU.

R and I have both been so slack about keeping this blog up-to-date, but it hasn't been without good reason. We've been so busy!

R might have mentioned it in a previous post, but I'm at a new job, which I love. It does keep me busy, though, and learning how to readjust my schedule has been challenging. I used to work from my home office, so cleaning the house and doing the laundry, etc, was never a problem, as I could simply do it any time. Now, I have to plan everything out and I stay busier due to not having as much time to myself during the daytime. I'm not complaining, though. I love my job and I'm not so lonely or bored from being home alone anymore.

R has had an interesting go of it since the new school year started and she's excited about finally getting out of working for the grant she now works for. Soon, she will be in a gifted teaching position, so that's pretty exciting. And since she's finished her third degree (an EdS, which is a step between a Masters and PhD), she'll be getting a nice pay raise, which means more money for us to do what we need.

We may have a buyer for our home, finally, but we won't know anything for sure for at least one more day. We're really hoping it works out for us because there's another house in town that we love, love, love and that would be perfect for us. *knocking on wood*

In baby news, we've got a busy week ahead of us. R started taking steroids this week and she's doubled up on Clomid (the maximum amount allowed), in addition to the prenatals and Metformin she takes daily. We'll go in next Wednesday, the 4th, for an outpatient diagnostic procedure - a histing-something. I can't ever remember the word, but it's a test where they inject dye into your fallopian tubes and then take x-rays to see if there are any blockages. Afterwards, they flush out the tubes to rid them of any dye. The procedure, according to our doctor and everyone we know who has done it, is very painful, but the good news is that the flushing of the tubes increases our chance for successful conception.

After that procedure, we'll do an ultrasound on Friday, the 6th. Depending on those test results, we'll be inseminating either that weekend, or on Monday, the 9th. This, of course, will involve doing an HCG trigger shot to do a timed release of the egg. It's almost too much to keep it all straight.

In other news, this coming Friday (29th of Sept) is my 30th birthday! I'm really looking forward to celebrating with friends. I've got a feeling that my 30th year will be the best ever!

WE AREN'T DEAD JUST BUSY

I know it has been a really long time since either of us posted anything, but things have been a little crazy. Ju has a new job, my job has been completely out of control, and we are in the middle of selling our house.

Okay so here is the short version:

1. We are on an official break from baby hell. For once, I am actually really, really okay with it and not in much of a hurry to rush back into "trying". I think that when we are really ready to do all of that again I/we will really know it. I suspect that will happen sometime late in the Fall, maybe as early as October, but I am not pushing it. My constant inner time table is completely blown anyway, so why not just wait 'til it feels okay again?


2. The house is on the market. We think we have a buyer, but we are waiting to see what happens. In the event that our house sells and the buyer wants to move in quickly, we will be, for the most part, homeless. We do not have a house we want to buy, as our best friends have purchased the house we wanted... oy vay! I help them move next week! We are thinking that we may just rent some little something until we can figure out what to buy. Yet again, the inner time table is blown, so why not just take our time? In the event that we do not sell our house by the middle to end of September, we are just going to stay put until Spring.


3. Ju has a brand new job that is fabulous and has amazing benefits, so we are really excited about this!! My job, on the other hand, has been a little more trying lately and I think that the additional pressure of baby stuff, combined with all of the hormones, might be the thing that pushes me over the edge. So, we wait...

Other than all of that, we are just hanging out with the dogs/cats... hahaha.
I am trying to be much more okay with all of the changes that have occured, as well as okay with the changes that I wanted that didn't occur. I am trying to just enjoy what we have going on right now and accept that things are just going to be a little upside-down for a while. I find myself more often than not really relieved that we don't have another person to care for right this second. We're having enough trouble managing everything as is -- a sure sign that sleep depravation would be a very bad thing to add to the mix right now.

HOW LONG DOES THIS TAKE ANYWAY?

I am SO annoyed that we are going on vacation (I know... you don't really feel sorry for me) and not trying again this month. I know I said previously that I thought it was a good idea for us to take a little break, but I was wrong... I hate it and I want a baby and I want it now!!

The thought that we are doing anything which does not directly work to produce a kid makes me completely crazy. It is my only goal right now. Feel free to think that I have completely lost my mind because I am pretty sure that I have. I know that I am not being rational and as all of my friends with children are happy to point out, I will "miss all of the free time later". But I really could care less.

The idea of going back to work and having to tell all of my friends that the trying was unsuccessful is just awful. Not to mention that it is my job to educate and care for small children, some of whose parents are sometimes less than focused on actually parenting their child. Somehow, this just makes it worse. I think that the only person who has a more difficult job to have while going though this mess is my OBGYN, who told me she went through hell twice to have her little girl, and then quickly concieved two more times very quickly after that. Based on the folks I have seen in her office, my guess is that it would be exactly no fun to deliver babies to 15 year olds while unable to have one yourself.

PLEASE, EVERYONE, COMMENT AND TELL ME HOW MANY MONTHS IT TOOK YOU TO EITHER:
A)GET PREGNANT B)GIVE UP C)COMPLETELY GO CRAZY

By the way, if you were actually lucky enough to get pregnant please tell me what all you did to achieve this.

Maybe I should take up drinking? For me, not the hypothetical pregnancy...

INVESTIGATION CONTINUED...

My friend, Christina, commented on my last "Investigation" post and here's what she had to say:

I have a lot of experience with the whole "business licensing" thingy because I work for a company who offers that to our clients in NC and SC. I checked this company out on the Georgia Secretary of State's office (most every state has info open to the public on businesses) here:

https://corp.sos.state.ga.us


It appears that this non-profit corp. "tried" to file their formation documents in GA on 5/8/2006 and that the filing was "disapproved" for some reason or another. This could simply mean that they didn't fill the form out correctly, left info off, paid the wrong registration fee, etc. The only thing that raises my eyebrow on this company is that they JUST now tried to file their registration to "do business" in GA. This means that they are just now either starting to do business or have been doing business without the proper qualification to do so yet. Just something to think about since you were wanting to find out more about this NP corporation. Hope this helps!

INVESTIGATION

In my last post, I mentioned an adoption agency, Foundations of Light Ministries, which we'd found about while visiting their booth at Atlanata Pride last weekend. We'd looked at their website, hoping to get information, but their site is poorly built and didn't have much available. So, we called and R spoke with someone who explained how things work and said they'd mail us a packet of information. Sure enough, within two days, we had paper information.

Something about it seems really fishy, I can't explain it. Like, it's too good to be true. Also, the only contact information we have is a PO Box address and a 1-800 telephone number. So, I decided to do some investigating.

I contacted the Better Business Bureau. They confirmed that the PO Box address I had was legitimate, but that it's not listed under the name Foundations of Light Ministries. And, BBB had no record of the 1-800 for the organization. The woman I spoke with said that it's not enough to prove the organization is not legit and they'd really only have any information if they'd received any negative reports or complaints. Since they hadn't had any negative reports, they didn't have anything on file. That woman suggested that my next step should be to call the business license office to check if they even had a business license. I haven't done that yet, but I will.

Anyway, I'm left having not the best impression. And I just had to share, since several people have emailed to ask me to pass along information. I'll post more about my "investigation" as it goes along.

TAKING A BREAK

Try #3 didn't work. R is due for her period today/tomorrow, and while she hasn't started yet, she did take a pregnancy test this morning and it read "negative". Additionally, all signs seem to be clear that she will start her period -- skin breakout, tender breasts, moodiness, etc. She seemed pretty upset, but we didn't even have a chance to talk about it because she had to leave quickly for the second day in a two-part job-related workshop she's doing.

While I am disappointed, I'm not as upset this month as in previous months. I think this is due mostly to the fact that R, basically, from just a couple of days after insemination, kept announcing that it didn't work. She said she felt pre-menstrual and well, no one knows her body better than she does, so I didn't question it. I just accepted things early on and didn't allow myself to get excited at all.

We're taking a break from insemination for one month, maybe two. We've had a vacation planned in July for quite a while and had we made the choice to try again next month, it would conflict with our trip. And, quite frankly, at this point we need a vacation more than anything. We're not sure if we'll try again in August. We're leaning towards 'yes', but that's when the school year starts again, which is always stressful. So, who knows. I guess we'll see how we feel as the time draws closer.

We went to Atlanta Pride this past weekend and there was a booth for an organization which specializes in International Adoption, specifically adoption from Mexico. Things were kind of crowded, so we waited to call about it when we got home. Here's the deal: This agency, run by two lesbians, helps individuals to adopt babies from Guanajuato, Mexico. They offer newborns only and you can choose whether you want a boy or a girl. The whole process takes only 180 days and costs $19,000. ($10,000 of this is refundable through the adoption tax credit.) So, basically, if we pursue this, we could potentially have a baby within six months time for approximately $9,000. It's kind of exciting to think about!

R's mom spoke with a psychic on Monday, who told her that R would be pregnant within six months time and that she (my mother-in-law) would be a grandmother within a year's time. I thought it was interesting that the psychic referred to "six months", since we'd just inquired about the 180-day adoption process. It makes me wonder if that's what she was really referring to, although she did say something about R being pregnant. So, who knows.

On another note, we got to meet Amanda and her girlfriend, T, from For the Byrds while we were at Atlanta Pride. They were so friendly and welcoming and well, it was just really nice to meet them!

NOW WE WAIT

So... we are enjoying the forever fabulous two week wait that accompanies the most recent baby try. We know not to expect much and have been pretty low key about the whole thing. Usually, I am really excited at this point, but this time we are just trying to make it to next Friday without losing it. So far, we are doing okay.

We are not trying next month because we are taking a beach vacation at the same time that we are supposed to be having the IUI and I really wasn't in the mood for the drugs this month, much less next month. We decided we would re-evaluate and try in September at the earliest. The reality is that this is how we/I feel today, and tomorrow could be completely different.

On a different and slightly more crazy note, my mom is really sick and has been to see every doctor you can think of and remains largely undiagnosed after about four-plus years and (I know this is a little nuts) has now turned to psychics!!?? Hummm... well, anyhow, mom has another psychic appointment on Thursday and my ability to produce young is on the list of questions. I am both very curious (I know this is messed up) and worried about the answer. I am completely unsure of how accurate any of this is or how much stock I put into this stuff, but it freaks me out all the same. The last person we saw told me that I was never going to have children because "the plumbing doesn't work". I cried the whole way home.... yay!

I really feel like this might be the thing that pushes me over the edge. While the obvious answer is to this issue is to simply to not allow my mother to ask the evil question, I freakishly want to know what she says. I figure I have a 50/50 chance of hearing something positive and she has a 50/50 chance of being right.

P.S. the last psychic also told me that my mom was going to kick the bucket (which obviously hasn't happened yet) and my little bro's marriage was on the way out (that part was on the money but even my cats had bets on that one). As for the baby, the jury is still out... at least I like to think this.

TRY # 3

This morning, we went in for try number three. I was quite grateful to the staff for having everything ready to go when we arrived... the last two times, we were stuck waiting in the lobby for 45 minutes or so each time, waiting for the sperm specimen to thaw out. We were told then that they couldn't thaw it beforehand because something could happen to us on our way over that would delay the insemination time... blah, blah, blah. Anyway, this nurse threw caution to the wind and got everything ready for us. What a relief to not have to wait!

As we were getting out of the car to go into the doctor's office, this woman in the parking lot noticed R, who was walking far ahead of me. (I was dragging behind because I was getting some stuff out of the car to take in with me.) Anyway, this woman (I knew who she was, but was trying to play dumb) was like, "Wait...!", trying to get R's attention, but she'd already gone through the door. Then, this woman looks at me and was like, "What is R doing here?" I'm like, what the hell?!? how rude!, but I just chalked it up to a routine gynecological examination. (This woman is the parent of two kids R's taught for the last two years.) So, anyway, she walks into the clinic and sits down next to R in the lobby and starts asking all of these school-related questions, like where her child would be placed next year, etc. The nerve! Not to mention that she was strung out. The staff in the clinic were so confused and could tell we were uneasy, so they called us back so that this lady would have to leave. It was kind of nuts.

The insemination procedure went really well. Overall, things were really relaxed. We talked to the doctor at length about what happens from here. We got lots of good answers and apparantly, the fact that we only had one follicle is totally normal. The doctor said she would have been more concerned if we'd had, for example, seven follicles. So, anyway, we felt good about the things she said.

So, now, all that's left to do is wait... I just wish someone had a test to check how things were progressing.

In other baby news, I just found out that my cousin, Brandon, and his wife, Katie, are expecting a boy!

ANOTHER TRY TOMORROW

Yesterday, R and I went to our doctor for an ultrasound. After a round of Clomid, we expected to have multiple follicles with which to work, but our examination concluded that we only have one. This is very disappointing news. The doctor said the one follicle and the lining look great, but I think that she, too, was disappointed with the results.

We asked what our course of action should be. She answered by saying that if we were a straight couple, she'd tell us to go home and have intercourse, and wait to do insemination next month when we could take even stronger drugs. But, since we don't have that convenience, she said we should go ahead with the insemination, even though our situation is not optimal.

We had to place an order for a sperm specimen at the last minute yesterday afternoon. We'd put it off for two reasons -- a) We weren't sure if we were going to be doing the insemination until we saw the doctor. b) There weren't any sperm donors listed in the catalog that we were dying to use. The end result? We had to pick someone and fortunately, we feel good about the new donor. (We've had to pick a different donor each time we've inseminated because they keep selling out!) He's a professor and a researcher and obviously quite brilliant. Additionally, he's a bit older (born in 1970), so he probably actually has a clue about what he's getting himself into by agreeing to an "open id" status. All-in-all, we feel good about the selection of this donor.

This morning, we woke at 6:30am and left our house by 7:00am to drive to Augusta to retrieve the tank, in hopes that we could get back in time to join our friends at 11:00 for kayaking on the river. Unfortunately, when we arrived at the cryo facility, they didn't have our stuff ready to go, even though the woman we spoke with yesterday said it was ready then. She knew what time we'd be there this morning, yet she hadn't even bothered to prepare the paperwork packets. So, there we were, waiting for her to finish up and then her photocopier malfunctioned, thus delaying things even further. So, needless to say, we didn't make it back in time to go kayaking. (It's just as well, as I ended up being too tired from battling a head cold this week and crashed when we got home, not waking until late in the afternoon. And Rachel said her arms were really sore from the injections she had last night. She crashed with me. Zzzzzz...)

We go in first thing tomorrow morning for our insemination. At this point, I think we both feel like we're just plodding along. Don't get me wrong; we're excited, but mostly, we're terrified and just sad. It's hard to get excited when you're terrified and sad.

OHHH, THE WAIT TIL WEDNESDAY...

Okay, so I haven't been blogging because I am just a mess!! I am trying not to freakout. We went back to the doctor last week and she said that we would now "graduate" from just doing Metformin cycles to ye old Clomid and Metformin cycles. Yea!?! She said it would hopefully increase the number of eggs we were working with and improve the quality of those eggs.

I have just finished my Clomid challenge thingie... what is this you ask? Well, frankly, hell if I know! All I know is that I had blood work done on day 4 of the cycle and then started taking 100 mg of Clomid every day for five days and then on day 11 (Monday), I will have a second round of blood work done. I know they are checking to see how I react with the Clomid, but I really don't know what they are looking for in the blood work.

On Wednesday, I will have an ultrasound that will tell me how many follicles/eggs we have to work with and then the doctor will decide if we are going to do an IUI this month... UGHHHH!!!! I really feel like I just want to know what the deal is. I want to know how the Clomid has gone now!! I want lots of eggs that are mature and ready to go!

We are also frustrated by the fact that right now our sperm choices are not so great. When Julianna says things to me like, "I can't decide if he is cute or scary", or, "He seems so great; too bad he says he is 'donating sperm because Jesus told him to'... Do you think fundmentalism is genetic?", I know we are up a big creek. Too bad there isn't a sperm o' the month club.

TOMORROW

We go to see our new doctor tomorrow. We switched to the other doctor in the practice. Our old doctor, Dr. L, is a very nice guy, but doesn't really seem confident when it comes to A.I. While Dr L was out of town a couple of weeks ago, we saw his partner, Dr. A, who seemed super-confident and really in tune with what was going on with us. (She actually did our last insemination.) Dr. A is a mom and I feel like she understands how hard it is to wait and hope for a baby. She was also very warm and funny while obviously extremely knowledgeable. She was not clinical and seemed to really understand how we as a couple felt.

Anyway, I was really freaked out about calling the nurse who coordinates all of the fertility stuff and telling her we wanted to switch. I know we are the consumers blah blah blah... but Dr. L is a nice guy and as dumb as this is, I don't want to hurt his feelings! The fertiltiy nurse was great and while she was endlessly professional in her conversation with us, she also made it clear that she understood why we would make the choice to change to Dr. A. I am really looking forward to talking with her and I am equally excited to get moving on what ever we decide is next!

I have to tell the sweet little brother story now... I was talking to my brother (a nearly starving artist living in NYC) and was talking about the very stressful issue of PAYING for all of this stuff since our insurance pays not a cent toward fertility treatment. During our conversation my ADORABLE (and very broke) brother said that he wanted to try to help us out with the cash issue. I of course told him that I thought that was the sweetest thing ever but that he should focus on keeping himself stocked with Ramen and beer. My family has always been very supportive of me as a lesbian and of Juilianna as my partner, but I think that the possibility of a baby has given them a new way to see us and support us as a couple.

OK HERE WE GO AGAIN

ok ok here we go again

Well, as you all know, we are on to try number three. Frankly, I am wondering how much of this I can take. Julianna seems very sane about the whole thing, but I vacillate between feeling okay and freaking completely out.

I went to see my mom the next day after we found out that there was no baby, and she was really supportive. I managed to not cry the whole time I was at her house, which lately has been a major feat. She offered cash to help out with the crazy expensive procedures that are an option (i.e., IVF more drugs etc, etc, etc....) if it should come to that. I was really excited to hear that she was willing to help out in this way and I rationalized our potential acceptance of this money by reminding myself that she did shell out the big bucks for my brother's wedding. Hey, we are probably a bargain by comparison!

Additionally, I find myself trolling adoption sites, watching the heartbreaking stuff on tv this week about foster care, and looking at pictures of children, hoping that one of them will just look like the right kid to me and I will know what to do. I know that one way or another we will become the parents of a child, but I just wonder how all of this will work for us. I have never had much faith in my personal fertility, so while I am generally a pretty optomistic person, this is one area in which I always brace myself for the worst.

I have asked a few friends what IVF was like for them and one of my favorite people said "...you know I tried for three years with my husband to have kids. Then, we walked into an IVF clinic and 15 days later I was pregnant with triplets!" She said it was painful, but not that bad, and that she was given really good drugs. Another woman told me it was the most god-awful, painful, hellish experience of her life. She said she refused all pain meds, even during the egg harvesting, during which she passed out because of the pain. She has two beauitful children as a result. Good for her, but I think I'll take the drugs!

This is another random note: there are a few states that require that the insurance companies pay for IVF. The folks that I know from these states who have had IVF are baffled when they hear me talk about IUI. They all just say "...Well I wasn't getting pregnant after trying for a while, so we did IVF; none of this IUI stuff at all..." AMAZING! They also have generally more positive expereinces, in part because they didn't go through a million IUI cycles.
It makes me wonder what the stats are on IUI vs. IVF and if folks like me trying to get pregnant had finincial help from insurance companies, if fertitly treatment protocol wouldn't be very different?

STARTING AGAIN

Rachel got her period late last night, so we'll have to start all over again. We called our doctor's office this morning and scheduled an appointment for Monday. We hope to then discuss with the doctor what our realistic expectation should be and come up with a plan for what we should do next. We realize we've only tried twice now and that's not much in the grand scheme, but already we're wearing ourselves out emotionally and want the best chance possible. Additionally, our funds are not unlimited, so we need to figure out that end of it, too. We could try a few more times with IUI, but if we have a better chance doing something else, then our money would be more wisely spent doing that. Or, if we need to just put what's left towards adoption, then we need to know, ya know? Anyway, we're pretty disappointed, but glad to have lots of support.

WHAT IS THE DEAL?!?

What is the deal?! It seems like everyone around us has either just adopted a baby, given birth, or is pregnant. Seriously!

Our friends, Sarah and Holly, just adopted Thea. Katey and Matt, who live in Seattle, just had their baby, Max. Rachel's buddy, Stephanie, and Stephanie's partner, just had their baby, Laurel. I also found out that a childhood friend, Brent, and his wife, just had a little boy, Jimmie. To top it all off, this week alone, I found out that my friend, Christina, is expecting, as well as another friend, Dana.

It's so damn frustrating!

XYTEX & ZYTEX

Just a funny...

The sperm bank we use is Xytex. (pronounced Zytex)

I just saw a commercial for a mouthwash called "Breath Rx, featuring Zytex".

Hahaha...

QUESTION

Okay, folks, I gotta ask -- did any of you feel any differently after insemination? I especially want to hear from those of you who got pregnant. Did you have any symptoms or any way that you felt that led you to think you were pregnant before you found out for sure?

RACHEL SAYS...

We've had a busy month...

I finally finished my specialist degree (an EdS, which is a step between a Masters and PhD) from the university this week, which is exciting because: A) it will give me more free time B) it will give us more money because with my newest advanced degree, I will get a raise!

We're trying to get our house ready to sell, so we can move from our tiny house to one that will be more accomodating for a family. We're really excited about having a new house, but I had to promise Julianna a new wiener dog when we move. Julianna's not a fan of moving and I hope I really love our new home because I doubt she'll ever let us move again after that! The new house, which we've selected already, needs to have a lot done so it should keep us pretty busy for the summer.

As far as baby news goes -- right now, we're hanging out in maybe-baby land. We inseminated on Friday and I feel really positive and confident that things will work out, but it's hard to tell because I felt the same way last time. It's like my body and mind plays tricks on me, leaving me really confused. We'll know for sure in about two-and-a-half to three weeks. I have to say, I am really hoping this is it because this is really stressful! Additionally, I also believe that we have the world's best donor. He is absolutely beautiful and seems like he'd be a really nice person. His baby photo looks so much like my little brother, who is my favorite person, so that makes me happy. Julianna actually picked him without my input because it was a last-minute decision. (Our choice prior to that was "sold out") I have to say if this works, we'll purchase more to make baby number two down the road.

Other than that, we're planning our annual jaunt to Tybee Island for a week in the summer and I'll be spending a lot of time with my Mom while Julianna is working. I am hoping that with the sale of the house and our extra income, we'll have a little extra to take a super-nice vacation, but that's probably a long shot. We're also eagerly awaiting the opening of the university's swimming pool.

For the most part, I'm looking to take it easy this summer and enjoy myself. It's the first time ever that I've had time off from both work and school. So, hopefully, with my added level of relaxation, we'll have a better shot with this baby business. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

CHASING A NEEDLE

Last night, we went to Linda's house for her to give Rachel an HCG injection. I prepped the injection and just as Linda was about to stick Rachel, she stopped to say there wasn't any way we could use that needle. The doctor's office provided only one needle with the kit and it was the same needle that had to be stuck two different times through the rubber tip in the neck of the vials to draw up the medicine. (one vial with saline, the next with Novarel) In the process, the needle became a bit dull and certainly, you wouldn't want to be stuck with a dull needle!

Fortunately, Linda lives next door to the OB who referred us to the doctor doing the insemination, so she called him up to ask about getting a fresh needle from him. As luck would have it, he had plenty of sterile packaged needles on hand and we were able to get a new one to do the injection. Yay!

I don't know what would have happened if we had done the injection at home. Oh, wait, yes I do -- Rachel would have killed me. She's such a needle-phobe, you basically get one time to do it right with her and then it's all over. If I'd been stuck with that dull needle, one of us would have ended up hurting the other.

Lucky for us, Athens is a small town and we were able to get what we needed. One strange thing, though, the doctor's office gave us no instruction on what to do with the needles once we disposed of them. Fortunately, Linda works in a lab and said she'd dispose of them at work for us.

Anyway, I am just glad this part is all over and if for some reason we ever have to do this again, we'll be calling Linda!

TODAY'S APPOINTMENT

We went for Rachel's ultrasound today. The follicle wasn't quite mature enough to give the HCG injection just then, so I was trained to give the injection at home, which is to be administered at 11:00pm sharp. Then we'll return to the doctor for our insemination mid-day Friday.

There's a problem with the injection, though, which is that Rachel doesn't trust me to give it. This is rediculous, but she's convinced she needs someone with some kind of professional medical training. So, early in the day, around 4:30 or so, I called our friend, Holly (who is also the vegan adoptive parent I've written about in previous entries), who is a doctor to ask if she'd give Rachel her injection late this evening. She said yes, of course, no problem, etc. Well, then she called about 30 minutes ago, at about 10:00pm, freaking out about administering this injection. Come to find out, she hasn't given an injection of any sort in eight years! It was clear that if she as a doctor was nervous about giving the injection, then we didn't want her to do it, ya know? So, we brainstormed to figure out who else we could ask at the last minute.

As it turns out, our next door neighbor's mother, Linda, is a pharmacist and has lots of simple injection experience. This past winter alone, she administered over 800 flu shots. Our HCG shot isn't much more complex than that and Linda feels very confident about doing it, so we feel good and of course, we're really thankful to have found someone reliable to give this shot. Otherwise, I was thinking I'd have to slip Rachel some Benadryl, coax her to sleep, and then plop that injection into her quickly! haha.

IT'S BEEN A WHILE...

So much has been going on, it's hard to know where to start...

The biggest news is that tomorrow we meet with our doctor to have an ultrasound to inspect where we are with ovulation. Then, we'll do one HCG (is that right?) injection to force a timed ovualtion. Even though we know Rachel ovulates regularly with no problem, this supposedly will help us time things better and will guarantee a quality egg, or at least that's what we've been told. After all of that, we'll return to our doctor sometime on Thursday for our second insemination. We're very nervous and very excited.

In the midst of it all, we've been through sperm hell. We'd selected two or three donors we really liked, all of whom were still in the database as of Friday. Well, we went out of town for the weekend and when we returned Sunday evening, we logged back into the database to discover that all three of the donors we liked were sold out! Talk about a panic. No worries, as all is well now. This morning, I checked the database again, just to see if by some miracle one of our guys was back in the list. They weren't, but someone new was added and he's just perfect, or at least I think so. Anyway, I feel really relieved, even though the whole act of picking a donor from a catalog is pure torture.

Tomorrow morning I'll be driving to the sperm bank an hour and a half away to retrieve our specimen in its tank and then coming back in time for our appointment. In the meantime, Rachel will be trying her best to relax.

This afternoon, she'll go for her second accupuncture appointment, which will be followed up by a massage. We're not sure how we feel about accupuncture, but it's done at the wellness center at our local hospital by a physician, so that helps a bit. You know, anything to help Rachel calm down is best and we figured that at the very least, the accupuncture couldn't hurt.

Just a tidbit of information -- Rachel had shingles last month, which is one of the reasons we had to wait a month inbetween tries. Her shingles were mild, however, and have healed up on their own without medicine. Her doctor said that the cure was worse than the illness itself, so we decided to hold out and see if she could get better on her own. Thank heavens, she did. We've also been on a regimen of prenatal vitamins, once-a-day baby aspirin, and 1500mg of Metformin daily. Hopefully, everything combined will make for a successful conception.

For now, we're just wishing we could make this special. Not that it isn't special in and of itself, but we'd like to do something nice. But it's all so scheduled and medical, it's hard to have it be sweet and special. Plus, all of this falls in the middle of the week, with the insemination on Rachel's last day of school!

So, in a nutshell, that's what we've been doing. If you wanna know more about the rest of our boring lives, check out Julianna 2006 for more.

WELCOME, THEA!

Today, Holly and Sarah's baby, Alethea, was born! (refer to a previous entry titled A VEGAN BABY FOR A VEGAN COUPLE)

Alethea, aka "Thea", weighed in at nearly nine pounds and is 21 inches long! She's just beautiful... see?



Sarah and Holly won't get to bring Thea home until tomorrow, after all of the papers have been signed and witnessed at the hospital with the lawyer present. Until then, we're all very excited (and a little nervous, too!).

NOT UNTIL MAY

We saw our doctor yesterday afternoon to discuss with him different options for testing and what we can do to make sure everything is working as it should. We inquired about putting Rachel on Metformin, a medication she's taken before, which he thought was a good idea. He said it couldn't hurt and that if anything, it would ensure a quality egg next time she ovulates. So, we got a script for that. Additionally, he's going to do an ultrasound next time she's nearing ovulation, which will be followed up by some sort of shot to induce ovulation. When all of that is done, we'll go in the following morning for insemination. It's sounds bad, but really it's not much and we feel good about it because then we can at least say we did all we could.

Only thing is, the Metformin has to work it's magic for a month, so we can't try again until May. While that is a little disappointing, it's for the best and ultimately, May would be the best time to get pregnant anyway.

So, now we have a plan that we feel really good about and we're looking forward to continuing the process.

NOT THIS MONTH

Well, our "first try" didn't work. We've been pretty upset and disappointed, but we realize a lot of folks don't get pregnant the first time and we're okay with that. We'd just hoped it would work, but it's okay that it didn't and we'll try again.

We're going to see our OBGYN this afternoon to discuss possibly doing some bloodwork and ovulation tests, just to make sure that everything is working like it should. We're just afraid that if we don't, we'll continue to exhaust all of our resources (and emotions!) "trying" time and time again.

More coming soon...

WAITING AND WAITING...

Some big news: we did it! In other words, we inseminated! It happened a little earlier than we expected, but we're really happy and very nervous.

Rachel wasn't supposed to ovulate until the last part of the week, leaving us a window of time either Friday afternoon or Saturday morning to inseminate. But earlier in the week, on Wednesday, she decided to go ahead and start using the predicter tests so we'd know exactly what was going on. She did this fully expecting a "negative", therefore she didn't pay much attention to the test results. She set the stick down on a table and hurriedly left for work.

Some time passed, maybe 15 minutes or so, and I walked by the table where the "positive" line on the stick caught my attention. I realized Rachel hadn't noticed the change as she left for work, so of course I had to let her know right away. I tried calling her cell phone -- no answer. I tried again and again -- no answer. So, I called the office where she works. I told the receptionist that I had a very urgent message -- to tell Rachel that "the line has changed" and she'd know exactly what it means.

Over at the school, the receptionist came over the intercom to Rachel's classroom and announced, "Ms. Roberts, Ms. Roberts -- I'm supposed to tell you 'the line has changed'!" hahahaha. So, Rachel called me in a panic but also very excited. We agreed that the doctor needed to be contacted, so I made my first call of what would become many, many exchanges between us and the doctor/staff.

It was determined that we'd need to come in on Friday for insemination. The only thing was, I still hadn't placed an order for the donor specimen or anything. I'd planned to do it late Wednesday so I could pick up the order on Thursday. So, I had to get on the ball and order right then. I placed our order and arranged to pick up the specimen on Thursday.

Fast forward to Thursday morning. Rachel wakes up, does another predicter test before leaving for work, and the test barely turns positive. In fact, the line was so faint that we thought it was giving us a negative reading. Rachel got really upset, but I assured her I'd take care of everything and all would be fine. A while later, she called me from work to say she was coming home. She was crying and was simply to worried and upset to stay at work. She said her gut was telling her to come home.

Rachel got home and we gathered up all the predictor sticks (we saved them, just in case we'd need them for the doctor) and headed over to the doctor's office. The nurse (and insemination coordinator) took a look at the tests and then our own personal charts. As it turns out, we'd mapped things out incorrectly and needed to do the insemination that day!

So, we left the doctor's office, drove 1 1/2 hours to Augusta to pick up the donor sperm, and then drove 1 1/2 hours back to Athens to make it happen. The whole morning Rachel had a lot of cramping, but as we approached the doctor's office from about 30 minutes away, the cramping stopped. She believes it was her egg doing its thing at the right time.

We arrived at the doctor's office and had to wait nervously for about 40 minutes while the specimen thawed. Talk about nerve-wrecking! Once in the treatment room, the doctor said everything looked great. We began procedure and the doctor let me inject the specimen through the syringe. That was kind of nice, but a bit uneventful and slightly disappointing. But it was still neat.

So, now the waiting game... we have a positive feeling about this, so wish us luck. I know a lot of people don't get pregnant the first time, but this just seems different somehow. We're trying to be realistic, however. We did have one thing come up and had a question, so we called the nurse/insemination coordinator. Her answer relieved us and she even said it was a "positive sign". So, let's hope it's true!

DONATIONS, DONATIONS! (OR FREELANCE OFFERS)

Now that we're officially in "trying" mode and looking to buy a new house, I'm in overdrive to earn as much money as possible to sock away into savings. We'll need it to help out with 2nd-parent adoption costs!

So... if you'd like to make a small (or large!) donation in our name, or if you'd like to hire me for freelance services (I build websites and draw/paint beautiful portraits), let me know! Just leave a comment below.

A VEGAN BABY FOR A VEGAN COUPLE

We mentioned in a previous post that we found out about a vegan couple who are giving their baby up for adoption. We'd thrown our name out there, even though we realized there was no chance of being picked since this couple was looking for another vegan couple to adopt.

The night we met our new friends, H and S, we learned that not only are they vegan, but they also want to adopt a child. Since they both met the obvious requirements of being an "alternative family" and being vegan, we passed the baby information along. To make a long story short, a month later now they are officially going through with this adoption.

I'm not sure to what degree I believe that "things happen for a reason", but going through this, it seems to be true. I mean, what are the chances? We find out about this kid who needs a home, then we meet them and help them get the ball rolling, and now they're going to have a new little baby in just four weeks. And, it's all happening within eight weeks total time.

Anyway, we are completely thrilled for our new friends and glad to be included in all of this. In fact, we're going over to their house on Saturday for dinner and to help paint the new nursery. How exciting!

Oh, and the great thing... when our baby comes along, we'll have access to all of their hand-me-downs!

MORE ON TELLING MOM

In addition to preparing for and having a baby, we're also looking to sell our house and move into another one. The whole thing has me stressed out beyond belief and I called my mother to blow off some steam. In the process, I let it out that we were preparing to have a baby. I gave no details as to when and where and how this would happen, but I at least put the thought out there.

I was waiting for a negative response and to get the whole "You know how I feel..." speech, but all she said was, "Well, that's a lifelong endeavor and I think you should think about it for a long time." My response -- "We HAVE thought about it for a long time!"

TELLING MOM

One more thing I forgot to mention --

I still haven't told my Mom we're planning to conceive. But I did mention the recent adoption offer incident (which, by the way, fell through) and how Rachel was disappointed. She even spoke to Rachel on the phone about it and according to Rachel, seemed sympathetic. I'm not sure I got that same vibe, but at any rate, the fact that I was able to talk to her about that without her flipping out or saying anything really negative is good.

Just thought I'd share.

OUR MOST RECENT APPOINTMENT

I went with R to our latest OB appointment, which was with a new doctor referred by another. We were warned that he might be a little "dry", but we didn't find that to be the case at all. He was very warm, kind, and funny to boot! In fact, everyone in the office was super-nice.

R had an annual exam/pap smear/etc. Dr. L said everything looked a-okay and that her cervix "looks very inseminatable". LOL. R checked out in good health and Dr. L doesn't anticipate any sort of problems. He did suggest, however, that she lose 10 pounds using the South Beach Diet. He said it's not necessity, but might be a good idea. So, South Beach Diet, here we come!

The only thing that tripped us up was how little Dr. L knew about the actual sperm retreival process. He said "we work with a company", but couldn't remember the name of the company. When we mentioned the one we'd been planning to use, he said, "Oh, yeah, that's the same one!" We asked several questions about the purchase of the sperm and getting it to the office. He finally said we needed to talk to Misty, some woman in the office whose job it is to handle all sperm stuff. (that sounds funny.)

Dr. L definitely knows what to do as far as procedure is concerned. We feel confident about that. I think it's just that most of the IUI's he does are with fresh sperm from a husband/wife team in the office. So, naturally, he doesn't know much about getting it from a company.

BUT...

I got a call this morning from Misty, the "sperm lady". I didn't recognize the number when it appeared on the caller ID, so I didn't answer and just waited to check my messages. Misty didn't do much to give us any real information. Basically, she have us the 1-800 number to this company and referred us to their website to check pricing and such. Well, we already have that info because we've been looking at donors for months and months, trying to decide what/who we want. So, I felt a little disappointed to not get more info from her. I thought the purpose of her call was to let us know what we needed to do to order through the office so they could get it all for us, blah, blah, blah.

Dr. L was able to tell us that if we conceive in March, we'd be due around December 10th. April = January. May = February.

R wants to start in March because she thinks it won't take right away. However, I think there's a good chance it will. I mean, we've gotten great results at our appointments and we have no reason to believe that it won't work early on. We won't know that until we try, so I don't want to go into this with a negative attitude that it won't work. And as silly as it sounds, I do not want our baby to arrive in December, just before Christmas.

Our original desired due-date is for February, which means we'd preferably like to conceive in May. That way, R would deliver in February, have 12 weeks (three months) off from work, which would essentially turn into 24 weeks (six months) because she'd have the summer off after the 12 weeks ended. That would be perfect!

Anyhow, we're excited about our appointment. I guess the next time we return will be to inseminate. !!!

MOVING RIGHT ALONG

Someone recently came to us about a baby that needs a home. A young couple are expecting a baby in about eight weeks and they're looking for a preferably Vegan family to adopt their child. We threw our names into the ring, even though we're not even vegetarian. While we're not overly hopeful that this will happen, it just seemed a little odd that this fell at our feet at this time.

In other baby news, we have our first real baby doctor appointment on our anniversary, which is this coming Friday, the 24th. I am so excited to finally get this moving along a little bit. I realized the other day that it was past my target due date for next year and possibly this time next year we will have our own little wiggly bundle of joy. Of course, one can only hope! We plan to start insemination in April and with all of my tracking and calculating, it looks like I have settled into a perfect 28-day cycle -- who knew?! I'm trying not to get my hopes up because this doesn't happen the first time for anybody, but hey, I'm not just anybody. It's possible.

We're starting to get to know another couple who are trying to have a baby, which is nice. They're more on the adoption track than the fertility track, but it's nice to have someone to talk to.

REBELLING AND RANDOM INFO

R and I, even though we're totally thrilled about all that is happening, are rebelling somewhat against it. She's busy searching for a great deal on a trip to Europe somewhere. And I, all of a sudden, am wanting to run out and have my nipples pierced or something like that. What is up with that?!

I mentioned in a previous post that we'd seen a local OB-GYN that we really like. As it turns out, I've managed to score an appointment with him for myself for next week. I'm really excited about it because I know he will be sensitive to my needs/concerns, even if he can't help me. You see, I have an adrenal dysfunction that has caused me to be quite ill for some time now. And now, I'm having some gynecological issues, which may/may not be related. I'm hoping he can help, but if not, then at least I know he'll try to get me to someone who can. Wish me luck!

BREAKING THE NEWS

R's Mom is thrilled about the prospect of us having a baby together. She's been very encouraging and is very excited at the prospect of having a grandchild. Keeping Ma Becky (that's what I call R's Mom) informed as we progress is a joy because she is so supportive and happy for us, just as she has always been.

My Mom, on the other hand, hasn't always been so supportive. Just before she was to meet R for the first time, way back when, she informed me that my "girlfriends" weren't welcome in her home. She finally gave in and when she met R, she really began to have a change of heart. Now, she adores R and has us to visit frequently. While I'm certain she still has her own issues with my lesbianism, she's come a long, long way.

Because my Mom has done so well, I'm afraid to risk upsetting her by telling her we plan to have a baby. I've dropped hints here and there and R has made a remark or two (or three or four... ha) about having a family. But, I've never come right out and said it. And honestly, I don't know when/where/how to do it. I'm so scared she'll have a poor reaction. She's indicated in previous conversations concerning other gay parents that she doesn't approve. You know, that whole "a child needs/deserves a mother and a father."

So, my friends, what do you think? How did you tell your parents/families? How did they react? What advice can you give? So many questions... I need answers!

WE'RE OVULATING!

So we're ovulating... big deal, right? Well, for us it is very exciting news because at least we now know that R is ovulating for sure.

Now that we know things are working, we have questions! Once a positive test has been established, when is the optimum time to inseminate? Right then, the next day, etc???

R thinks we should buy the expensive ovulation predictor kit/machine because it indicates the peaks, but since these cheap tests are working, I think our money could be spent more wisely elsewhere.

Advice, please!

p.s. R promises to post soon... she's been swamped with school/classes

MAKING PROGRESS

This afternoon, R and I had a physician appointment and well, things went very well! It looks like we'll be able to do everything right here in town. And the best part is that we really like the doctor a lot.

I can't recall all of the specifics, and since R was doing most of the talking (shocking, really!), I'll get her to post her comments later this evening.

At any rate, I am very excited and pleased with the way things are progressing.

MY DREAM FROM LAST NIGHT

Last night, I had a dream in which I was pregnant and I was carrying the baby in a very peculiar way. Click here to see a drawing of what my stomach looked like. And in my dream, every time the baby moved, my stomach moved, too -- sort of like when a dog rolls around under a bed sheet. I mean, it moved a lot. I don't remember much else, other than I went into labor and it was quite painful. And for some reason, I was wandering around a department store, waiting to give birth because for some reason the hospital wouldn't take me in.

Note: When I woke this morning, my belly felt very sore.

SHARED RISK PROGRAM AND ANOTHER BLOG

R was doing a bit of research via the internet after we learned that the fertility clinic we planned to use is closed. She found a program titled Shared Risk, which basically involves paying one fee in return for 10 tries with IUI (at least I think it's IUI). After doing the math, it makes a lot of sense for us, so who knows. Does anyone else have experience with this?

I've started another blog -- nothing too exciting, but it's more of a discipline thing than anything else. Come visit at Ju. 2006 and add comments, if you'd like.