In response to R's last post, someone asked if we'd considered switching roles and having me try. To answer that question, yes, it's been discussed, but I have issues all my own and they don't have anything to do with wanting/not wanting to try myself.
The fact is, I do want to try, at some point. It has always been part of our plan. In our perfect dream world, it would go like this: R would try, get pregnant, have a baby, etc. And then a couple of years later, I'd try, get pregnant, have a baby, etc... one big happy family. Unfortunately, it hasn't gone quite like this. So, now we're left with making decisions about what R will/can do next. And if that doesn't work, then perhaps I'll give it a go.
The problem is this: I have several hormonal issues that might prevent me from being able to carry myself. We'll know more when I visit the same IVF specialist R saw a couple of weeks ago. Dr. S is actually a Reproductive Endocrinologist and took an interest in my case, stating that he'd be interested in treating my issues and suggesting that I should make an appointment to see him. I feel good about this idea, so I made an appointment for mid-March. I'm not seeing him for fertility, but rather to just treat my hormone issues, but who knows, I might be able to get answers along the way that would settle any questions/thoughts/what-ifs about this.
So, there ya have it. I'm not opposed to trying, but I'm not sure I can, either. We just want to figure it out and at this point, we'd be happy if either one of us could make it happen.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
YUCK!!!
Aaargh! We did not get into the IVF study -- the one that would have paid a large chunk of the genetic testing costs. All the slots got filled and we were the very first people they rejected -- just our luck these days. The nurse said if we'd gotten our names submitted even eight hours earlier, we would have gotten in. Why'd she have to tell us that?! I cried, a lot... I mean, A LOT. It has been very distressing, and there is a very big part of me that just wonders if we are not meant to ever have this happen for us. Additionally, I am MAD. We have worked so hard and for so long and have never caught much of anything even resembling a break.
I know I am whining, but seeing as I just do not have the cash to make this happen, I am left with very few options and whining looks pretty good all-in-all. The other half of this is that while in the grand scheme of things I realize that 20,000-25,000 bucks is not that much really... it could buy you a new Honda?... but the idea of spending what to us is a very large chunk of change is scary, particularly when we may have to finance a good deal of it (did I mention that I teach public school for a living? and Ju works for the university, which is notorious for their low-paying salaries).
While we may be able to beg, borrow, and steal the cash, we are then faced with the super-scary prospect of putting our lives back together if this does not happen for us. I have no idea what the right thing to do is. IVF seemed much less scary at a significantly reduced price tag. I am overwhelmed by all of the possible scenarios and additional awful things that could happen to us.
Both of our doctors have recommended that we go on and do a couple more rounds of dual-IUI with the hefty 150 milligrams of Clomid, additional estrogen support, the anti-neural tube defect drugs, progesterone support, 1500 milligrams of metformin and dexamethazone (steroid). The hope is that we will win the chromosomal lottery and produce an egg or two that are healthy and capable of survival, that this egg gets fertilized, and all the stuff that is supposed to happen happens. This is significantly less costly than IVF, but runs a pretty high risk of additional miscarriage.
We have been having some very frank discussions about what we think the state of my metal health would be if we lost another two or three pregnancies. This is a question that I don't know the answer to. I know that I am likely to get pregnant with this grouping of drugs and a dual-IUI (as I have gotten two times that can be documented out of the last three tries, but I suspect it actually happened all three times). The question, as always, is: can we hold on to the pregnancy? I used to worry so much about getting pregnant; now I pretty much expect to get pregnant, just worry about staying pregnant.
I know I am whining, but seeing as I just do not have the cash to make this happen, I am left with very few options and whining looks pretty good all-in-all. The other half of this is that while in the grand scheme of things I realize that 20,000-25,000 bucks is not that much really... it could buy you a new Honda?... but the idea of spending what to us is a very large chunk of change is scary, particularly when we may have to finance a good deal of it (did I mention that I teach public school for a living? and Ju works for the university, which is notorious for their low-paying salaries).
While we may be able to beg, borrow, and steal the cash, we are then faced with the super-scary prospect of putting our lives back together if this does not happen for us. I have no idea what the right thing to do is. IVF seemed much less scary at a significantly reduced price tag. I am overwhelmed by all of the possible scenarios and additional awful things that could happen to us.
Both of our doctors have recommended that we go on and do a couple more rounds of dual-IUI with the hefty 150 milligrams of Clomid, additional estrogen support, the anti-neural tube defect drugs, progesterone support, 1500 milligrams of metformin and dexamethazone (steroid). The hope is that we will win the chromosomal lottery and produce an egg or two that are healthy and capable of survival, that this egg gets fertilized, and all the stuff that is supposed to happen happens. This is significantly less costly than IVF, but runs a pretty high risk of additional miscarriage.
We have been having some very frank discussions about what we think the state of my metal health would be if we lost another two or three pregnancies. This is a question that I don't know the answer to. I know that I am likely to get pregnant with this grouping of drugs and a dual-IUI (as I have gotten two times that can be documented out of the last three tries, but I suspect it actually happened all three times). The question, as always, is: can we hold on to the pregnancy? I used to worry so much about getting pregnant; now I pretty much expect to get pregnant, just worry about staying pregnant.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
IVF AND OTHER STUFF
I haven't blogged in a while because I have just been way too upset to deal with it. It has been a hell of a month and I am glad things seem to be getting better.
After meeting with the IVF doctor (Dr. S), it seems that we are planning our first (and hopefully only) IVF cycle for June. Dr. S was great and he told us that based on all of the information he had, it was likely that I have some issues with producing eggs that are genetically normal, and so when they are fertilized, they are not able to survive.
Dr. S said that I have both of the genetic markers for neural tube defects (ie, spina bifida) and that I will need to take some additional meds to prevent our child being born with this. Apparantly, the medication is simple: just a very high dose of folic acid combined with B-series vitamins.
He recommended that we do a combination pack of IVF with genetic testing on the embryos to decide which to implant. He says this will give me a much higher rate of pregnancy of at least 60%! Seeing as how we were working with a success rate of less than 10% before, 60% is amazing and we feel really good about it.
The clinic Dr. S runs has an outrageous success rate and our doctor here in town seems to think this guy is a god. And, so far, to us he is! He was kind, funny, and took an enormous amount of time with us (about two hours) to go over everything you can imagine. He talked about all of the possible reasons that we lost the previous pregnancies and never once did he term it in anything other than "this is a medical problem" terms. After having been told that it was "just bad luck" by the staff at my local doctor's office, it was a relief to not have him say that. When someone starts talking about "luck", frankly, it just makes me feel like it is my fault. But when someone talks about screwed up chromosomes, I know I can't change that with my thoughts, behavior, stress level, etc.
Dr. S is trying to get us in a study that looks at the impact of genetic testing of embryos on the pregnancy rates of younger women. We will find out if we get into the study early next week. The really great part about the study is that it will pay for about $10,000 worth of the medical cost of all of this. (Did I mention that insurance pays nothing?!) We are really hopeful that this will be the answer that we are looking for.
I am still intrested in having us get to know Z for all sorts of reasons. The reality is that even the most amazing amount of medical intervention may leave us without a child in our house. I want us to continue to look at what it would mean for us to adopt and if that happens with Z it would be great, but if it doesn't, then I think all three of us would benefit from the experience of getting to know each other.
Z is not expecting to be adopted and because I am already a part of her life, I doubt she would think it was that odd for us to see each other. Foster kids have an enormous number of adults that they have interaction with that a kid in a traditional family would not have, so having us "mentor" her (i.e. hang out together) would not be so very strange. At least I don't think so. (?) Feel free to weigh in.
After meeting with the IVF doctor (Dr. S), it seems that we are planning our first (and hopefully only) IVF cycle for June. Dr. S was great and he told us that based on all of the information he had, it was likely that I have some issues with producing eggs that are genetically normal, and so when they are fertilized, they are not able to survive.
Dr. S said that I have both of the genetic markers for neural tube defects (ie, spina bifida) and that I will need to take some additional meds to prevent our child being born with this. Apparantly, the medication is simple: just a very high dose of folic acid combined with B-series vitamins.
He recommended that we do a combination pack of IVF with genetic testing on the embryos to decide which to implant. He says this will give me a much higher rate of pregnancy of at least 60%! Seeing as how we were working with a success rate of less than 10% before, 60% is amazing and we feel really good about it.
The clinic Dr. S runs has an outrageous success rate and our doctor here in town seems to think this guy is a god. And, so far, to us he is! He was kind, funny, and took an enormous amount of time with us (about two hours) to go over everything you can imagine. He talked about all of the possible reasons that we lost the previous pregnancies and never once did he term it in anything other than "this is a medical problem" terms. After having been told that it was "just bad luck" by the staff at my local doctor's office, it was a relief to not have him say that. When someone starts talking about "luck", frankly, it just makes me feel like it is my fault. But when someone talks about screwed up chromosomes, I know I can't change that with my thoughts, behavior, stress level, etc.
Dr. S is trying to get us in a study that looks at the impact of genetic testing of embryos on the pregnancy rates of younger women. We will find out if we get into the study early next week. The really great part about the study is that it will pay for about $10,000 worth of the medical cost of all of this. (Did I mention that insurance pays nothing?!) We are really hopeful that this will be the answer that we are looking for.
I am still intrested in having us get to know Z for all sorts of reasons. The reality is that even the most amazing amount of medical intervention may leave us without a child in our house. I want us to continue to look at what it would mean for us to adopt and if that happens with Z it would be great, but if it doesn't, then I think all three of us would benefit from the experience of getting to know each other.
Z is not expecting to be adopted and because I am already a part of her life, I doubt she would think it was that odd for us to see each other. Foster kids have an enormous number of adults that they have interaction with that a kid in a traditional family would not have, so having us "mentor" her (i.e. hang out together) would not be so very strange. At least I don't think so. (?) Feel free to weigh in.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
IVF SPECIALIST
Since both R and I have off on Thursday, R decided to check and see if the IVF specialist had any cancellations/openings that day so we could go for the appointment early. As it turns out, the receptionist had *just* hung up with the person who was cancelling the appointment we needed, so she was able to work us in right away. We're quite eager to have answers, so this is a great thing to be able to go when we have time do it and not have to wait another month, which is when we were originally scheduled.
Updates coming soon.
Updates coming soon.
Monday, February 12, 2007
OFF TOPIC -- YOUR FAVORITE BLOGGING TOOL?
Which blog service is your favorite and why? I'm especially interested to hear from you folks out there who have switched from Blogger to WordPress. Was the transition smooth and are you pleased with the switch? etc, etc, etc...
Sunday, February 11, 2007
SO MUCH GOING ON
R and I have been doing a lot of talking about what we're doing in this TTC process, what we want, what we need, our fears, etc. We've talked a lot about Z, the little girl who is coming up for adoption, and how we each feel about that.
No decisions are being made right now and the fact is, being able to actually adopt her anyway is a long shot. But we'll take some time to think it over, to mull over our concerns, and to come up with answers that feel right to us. In the meantime, we've pretty much decided to pursue the classes we need to take to be certified as foster/foster-to-adopt parents. That way, if we do decide at some point to pursue Z, or some other kid, we'll have our certifications completed. It can't hurt, right? At the very least, we could have Z spend the night one night, or just take her out for a few afternoons. That way, I could get to know her a bit because I think part of my struggle is that I just don't know her. It might be nice to be a sort of mentor anyways.
I still have many of the same concerns I aired before, but the one thing I am sure of that keeps me from saying 'no' is this: all kids deserve love. All kids deserve to have a decent home. We'd potentially have the chance to give a little girl everything she'd otherwise not have and she deserves that. So, that's where I am right now.
As far as another "try" with IUI goes, we're considering it some time from now. Our doctor actually wants to do another round before we see the IVF specialist for our consult. We don't know if we'll take her up on it, but it gives me some glimmer of hope. Dr. A knows what we've been through and she knows how upset we've been. I can't imagine that she'd ask us to try again if she didn't really think we stood a chance. She knows we have the appointment with the IVF guy. If she thought she couldn't do anything more for us, I think she'd just give us her blessing to move onto to the next step. But, she hasn't done that, so... I have to believe. It's scary as hell, though.
R talked to the nurse/insem coordinator the other day to see if her second round of tests came in. I can't recall if they had or not, but the nurse did say that Dr. A wants R to go ahead and start taking extra folic acid (in addition to the prenatals she already takes), baby aspirin, and at some point, progesterone. This was in response to a conversation that R had with them (I don't recall the details) and it has become obvious to us that Dr. A is really listening to us.
So, we have a lot going on and a lot to figure out. It's confusing as hell, but I am so glad I have R to figure this out with.
No decisions are being made right now and the fact is, being able to actually adopt her anyway is a long shot. But we'll take some time to think it over, to mull over our concerns, and to come up with answers that feel right to us. In the meantime, we've pretty much decided to pursue the classes we need to take to be certified as foster/foster-to-adopt parents. That way, if we do decide at some point to pursue Z, or some other kid, we'll have our certifications completed. It can't hurt, right? At the very least, we could have Z spend the night one night, or just take her out for a few afternoons. That way, I could get to know her a bit because I think part of my struggle is that I just don't know her. It might be nice to be a sort of mentor anyways.
I still have many of the same concerns I aired before, but the one thing I am sure of that keeps me from saying 'no' is this: all kids deserve love. All kids deserve to have a decent home. We'd potentially have the chance to give a little girl everything she'd otherwise not have and she deserves that. So, that's where I am right now.
As far as another "try" with IUI goes, we're considering it some time from now. Our doctor actually wants to do another round before we see the IVF specialist for our consult. We don't know if we'll take her up on it, but it gives me some glimmer of hope. Dr. A knows what we've been through and she knows how upset we've been. I can't imagine that she'd ask us to try again if she didn't really think we stood a chance. She knows we have the appointment with the IVF guy. If she thought she couldn't do anything more for us, I think she'd just give us her blessing to move onto to the next step. But, she hasn't done that, so... I have to believe. It's scary as hell, though.
R talked to the nurse/insem coordinator the other day to see if her second round of tests came in. I can't recall if they had or not, but the nurse did say that Dr. A wants R to go ahead and start taking extra folic acid (in addition to the prenatals she already takes), baby aspirin, and at some point, progesterone. This was in response to a conversation that R had with them (I don't recall the details) and it has become obvious to us that Dr. A is really listening to us.
So, we have a lot going on and a lot to figure out. It's confusing as hell, but I am so glad I have R to figure this out with.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Z
R called me this morning to inform me that she'd just found out some kids at her school were about to be up for adoption. She's known these kids for a while, as they have somehow managed to follow her path as she's taught at three different schools. Each school she moves to, they're there. Anyway, it's a sibling group - three kids (two boys, one girl). They're African-American, have a very loooooooooong history of being abused/neglected/etc., and the youngest is five years old. R says they're great kids and very sweet, but I don't know them outside of the few wretched stories I've heard about their family.
It looks as if the sibling group will be split up. Child care services is trying to adopt the boys out as a pair and the girl out alone, unless by some miracle, some family is willing and able to take all three (which isn't us, by the way). R, at least this morning, was flipping out at the chance to adopt the little girl, Z.
The thing is this: We still have a chance at pregnancy. The doctor has a new plan for us and says things with R look promising. I hate to forfeit this and if we adopted Z, that's what we'd have to do, for now anyways. And, if I'm being honest, I'm not sure I want a five year old. I could change my mind after giving it some more thought, but right now, in this very instant, I'm having a hard time saying "yes". Plus, the fact that she's been abused and neglected - it makes me sad, but call me selfish - I'm not sure I want to take on a kid who has all that baggage.
The other thing is, and I don't want to offend anyone - I'm not sure adopting an African-American child is the best thing for us. We're already a minority family, living in the South (not the most accepting place), and I don't want to make things any harder for a child than they might already be. And I think for a child of five years old to come into our home, after being raised and fostered in black homes, it would be really hard for her. Also, I'm not African-American myself and I don't have that culture that I would want to be instilled in my child. Is this wrong to feel this way? Seriously, share your thoughts with me!
Additionally, I worry that my family wouldn't accept an African-American child the way they would if I adopted a white baby. This isn't right and in no way am I making an excuse for my family, but the reality is that my mom will be 70 years old next year. There are some generational things there that would make it very hard for her to come to grips. Quite frankly, I don't care about that as far as my mom is concerned, but it would worry me for the child. I don't want my child to feel funny or unwelcomed because he/she is black and living in a white family where they are not completely loved by everyone. It's all so confusing.
Plus, I just have issues about foster care anyway. After R's call this morning, I looked up the child care services online foster/adoption listings, hoping to read about these kids. I didn't find them there, but I was able to look at a listing of 151 children. Out of those 151 children available, the youngest not in a sibling group was eight years old. And nearly all of the children have serious behavioral and/or mental and/or learning and/or physical problems. That's a lot for anyone to take on.
The part that really gets to me, though, is that the goal of child care services is to keep these children in their biological parents' homes. It doesn't matter if little Mikey has been beaten and burned and starved for six years straight - "momma" can say "this time is different" and off Mikey goes, back home to a disaster. I can't bear the thought of getting past all of my issues, taking a child, loving them, and then having them ripped from my home. Sure, some folks will say, "But it's not about you." To that, I say screw it, because when that child leaves and goes back home, it's damaging for them, too. What good is providing a loving home, if the child is just going to be taken away in the end? Isn't that, in some way, more damaging to the child? I think so, but that's just me.
There are so many things to think about and so many questions. I want to see these kids find loving homes and certainly, we'd be loving parents, but I'm just not sure this is the right thing for us. I'm not saying no, but I'm not saying yes, either. I just need time to think, think, and then think some more. Comments, please!
It looks as if the sibling group will be split up. Child care services is trying to adopt the boys out as a pair and the girl out alone, unless by some miracle, some family is willing and able to take all three (which isn't us, by the way). R, at least this morning, was flipping out at the chance to adopt the little girl, Z.
The thing is this: We still have a chance at pregnancy. The doctor has a new plan for us and says things with R look promising. I hate to forfeit this and if we adopted Z, that's what we'd have to do, for now anyways. And, if I'm being honest, I'm not sure I want a five year old. I could change my mind after giving it some more thought, but right now, in this very instant, I'm having a hard time saying "yes". Plus, the fact that she's been abused and neglected - it makes me sad, but call me selfish - I'm not sure I want to take on a kid who has all that baggage.
The other thing is, and I don't want to offend anyone - I'm not sure adopting an African-American child is the best thing for us. We're already a minority family, living in the South (not the most accepting place), and I don't want to make things any harder for a child than they might already be. And I think for a child of five years old to come into our home, after being raised and fostered in black homes, it would be really hard for her. Also, I'm not African-American myself and I don't have that culture that I would want to be instilled in my child. Is this wrong to feel this way? Seriously, share your thoughts with me!
Additionally, I worry that my family wouldn't accept an African-American child the way they would if I adopted a white baby. This isn't right and in no way am I making an excuse for my family, but the reality is that my mom will be 70 years old next year. There are some generational things there that would make it very hard for her to come to grips. Quite frankly, I don't care about that as far as my mom is concerned, but it would worry me for the child. I don't want my child to feel funny or unwelcomed because he/she is black and living in a white family where they are not completely loved by everyone. It's all so confusing.
Plus, I just have issues about foster care anyway. After R's call this morning, I looked up the child care services online foster/adoption listings, hoping to read about these kids. I didn't find them there, but I was able to look at a listing of 151 children. Out of those 151 children available, the youngest not in a sibling group was eight years old. And nearly all of the children have serious behavioral and/or mental and/or learning and/or physical problems. That's a lot for anyone to take on.
The part that really gets to me, though, is that the goal of child care services is to keep these children in their biological parents' homes. It doesn't matter if little Mikey has been beaten and burned and starved for six years straight - "momma" can say "this time is different" and off Mikey goes, back home to a disaster. I can't bear the thought of getting past all of my issues, taking a child, loving them, and then having them ripped from my home. Sure, some folks will say, "But it's not about you." To that, I say screw it, because when that child leaves and goes back home, it's damaging for them, too. What good is providing a loving home, if the child is just going to be taken away in the end? Isn't that, in some way, more damaging to the child? I think so, but that's just me.
There are so many things to think about and so many questions. I want to see these kids find loving homes and certainly, we'd be loving parents, but I'm just not sure this is the right thing for us. I'm not saying no, but I'm not saying yes, either. I just need time to think, think, and then think some more. Comments, please!
Thursday, February 01, 2007
SNOW DAY WITH DR. A
I had to go in today to see Dr. A to discuss the results of my latest ultrasound. She says the cyst on my ovary hasn't changed and while that isn't good, at least it hasn't gotten any bigger. She wants to see me again in eight weeks and if it's still the same then, or if it's gotten bigger, she'll do surgery. Let's hope it doesn't come to that - I have an enormous fear of being put under that isn't to be believed.
Because the schools (and the university, where I work) were closed for winter weather today, R got to go with me to my appointment. This was good because Dr. A had no choice but to address her as well. She told us that R's test results were all fine, but that she was waiting on one last thing. She said she knows we're going through a lot, but she's not ready to give up and for us to consider another try in a few months from now.
Anyway, we felt such relief to be able to talk to her in person so we didn't have to keep getting these wierd answers or to have to be postponed. I mean, anyone at anytime could have said your first tests look good, but we're still waiting on the last one, or something like that. It was driving us nuts.
We're looking forward to our appointment in March with the IVF specialist. We're not sure we need the actual IVF because we've had previous successes with R getting pregnant. But at least he'll be able to run more sophisticated tests and do the monitoring that we might need.
Because the schools (and the university, where I work) were closed for winter weather today, R got to go with me to my appointment. This was good because Dr. A had no choice but to address her as well. She told us that R's test results were all fine, but that she was waiting on one last thing. She said she knows we're going through a lot, but she's not ready to give up and for us to consider another try in a few months from now.
Anyway, we felt such relief to be able to talk to her in person so we didn't have to keep getting these wierd answers or to have to be postponed. I mean, anyone at anytime could have said your first tests look good, but we're still waiting on the last one, or something like that. It was driving us nuts.
We're looking forward to our appointment in March with the IVF specialist. We're not sure we need the actual IVF because we've had previous successes with R getting pregnant. But at least he'll be able to run more sophisticated tests and do the monitoring that we might need.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
MORE... (AND KEEP THOSE URLs COMING!)
I had to see Dr. A today for my own issues -- specifically, a follow-up exam to see how a cyst on my left ovary is doing. The lab technician, Linda, did the exam, which was kind of nice. The last time Dr. A did it, I felt so uptight and nervous, and I think this is because I deal with her so much. It was just too wierd having someone I feel like I know fairly well (we spend a lot of time in that office!) poking and prodding me.
Anyway, the ultrasound Linda did looked bad from my perspective. I've certainly seen enough ultrasounds on screen at this point to know what to look for and when she got to my left ovary (the right one was perfect), I could see the cyst glaring at me from the screen. It looked like a huge black hole/spot on the screen. She measured it at an inch-and-a-half. That's about the size of the space measuring from my bottom knuckle (the one that connects my finger to my hand) to the second knuckle on my pointer finger -- yikes! Dr. A wasn't there to review these results with me (she had to run off to a delivery and then she also had a couple of surgeries scheduled), so I had to make an appointment to return on Thursday for some face-time with her.
I feel like it's okay to write about my stuff here because it effects my own fertility and should I ever decide to try-to-conceive instead of R, you'd be hearing about it. So...
In other news, R's test results (the extensive/obscure tests that we were not expecting the results to for several more weeks) came back today. R called me just before I left for my appointment to beg me to weasel the results out of Dr. A. And obviously, since Dr. A wasn't there, I couldn't talk to her about it. So, I think we'll be getting the results tomorrow, hopefully. Maybe we'll finally have some answers, or at least some piece of the puzzle to work from. R quoted the nurse as having said, "... Dr. A wants to go over the game plan...", so that makes us think there is something there, but then again, it might be nothing.
We got a copy of all the receipts for our medical care for the last year and I was surprised with how little we'd actually spent with the doctor's office. An amazing amount was covered by insurance and other enormous chunk was spent buying sperm. I knew that stuff was pricey, but it didn't hit me just how pricey it is until today. Sheesh!
Anyway, the ultrasound Linda did looked bad from my perspective. I've certainly seen enough ultrasounds on screen at this point to know what to look for and when she got to my left ovary (the right one was perfect), I could see the cyst glaring at me from the screen. It looked like a huge black hole/spot on the screen. She measured it at an inch-and-a-half. That's about the size of the space measuring from my bottom knuckle (the one that connects my finger to my hand) to the second knuckle on my pointer finger -- yikes! Dr. A wasn't there to review these results with me (she had to run off to a delivery and then she also had a couple of surgeries scheduled), so I had to make an appointment to return on Thursday for some face-time with her.
I feel like it's okay to write about my stuff here because it effects my own fertility and should I ever decide to try-to-conceive instead of R, you'd be hearing about it. So...
In other news, R's test results (the extensive/obscure tests that we were not expecting the results to for several more weeks) came back today. R called me just before I left for my appointment to beg me to weasel the results out of Dr. A. And obviously, since Dr. A wasn't there, I couldn't talk to her about it. So, I think we'll be getting the results tomorrow, hopefully. Maybe we'll finally have some answers, or at least some piece of the puzzle to work from. R quoted the nurse as having said, "... Dr. A wants to go over the game plan...", so that makes us think there is something there, but then again, it might be nothing.
We got a copy of all the receipts for our medical care for the last year and I was surprised with how little we'd actually spent with the doctor's office. An amazing amount was covered by insurance and other enormous chunk was spent buying sperm. I knew that stuff was pricey, but it didn't hit me just how pricey it is until today. Sheesh!
Monday, January 29, 2007
AUTOIMMUNE ISSUES?
Somehow, in the process of updating our blog, I lost the list of links to other parenthood/trying-to-conceive blogs. I was able to recover only a handfull, so if you see that yours has gone missing from our list, that's why. If you're a reader of our blog, send us your url so I can update my list, please!
R and I realized over the weekend that our recurrent pregnancy losses might be due to some genetic autoimmune issues. You see, R's mom, who's been quite ill for years now, is the walking definition of an autoimmune disease. Not only that, it runs in R's family. To add to this, R's had both shingles and 5th disease in the last eight months - both of which are autoimmune issues. So, we decided to pursue some tests for R to help determine if this is an issue she has that is effecting her ability to carry a baby full-term.
We put in a call to Dr. A's office. As it turns out, the tests she ordered up for R last week include checking for genetic and autoimmune stuff. The tests she ran were so extensive, in fact, that the technician who drew R's blood had never heard of or seen these tests. I guess Dr. A was/is a step ahead of us.
We won't have those tests results back for several more weeks. G-d knows, I don't wish for R to have these problems, but at least we'd have some answers, if that's what it turns out to be. And with the help of an autoimmune specialist, R could be monitored and we just might be able to make it, should we decide to try again sometime. Of course, we're not ready to start back up right away, and maybe not at all. But at least we can ask questions and get some answers.
R and I realized over the weekend that our recurrent pregnancy losses might be due to some genetic autoimmune issues. You see, R's mom, who's been quite ill for years now, is the walking definition of an autoimmune disease. Not only that, it runs in R's family. To add to this, R's had both shingles and 5th disease in the last eight months - both of which are autoimmune issues. So, we decided to pursue some tests for R to help determine if this is an issue she has that is effecting her ability to carry a baby full-term.
We put in a call to Dr. A's office. As it turns out, the tests she ordered up for R last week include checking for genetic and autoimmune stuff. The tests she ran were so extensive, in fact, that the technician who drew R's blood had never heard of or seen these tests. I guess Dr. A was/is a step ahead of us.
We won't have those tests results back for several more weeks. G-d knows, I don't wish for R to have these problems, but at least we'd have some answers, if that's what it turns out to be. And with the help of an autoimmune specialist, R could be monitored and we just might be able to make it, should we decide to try again sometime. Of course, we're not ready to start back up right away, and maybe not at all. But at least we can ask questions and get some answers.
Friday, January 26, 2007
HELP!!!
This sucks so bad; I just can't tell you.
I read that the chances of having two miscarriages back to back was less than 4%. Wow, how did I get so fucking lucky? I actually suspect that I've miscarried the last three times that we tried, but only two I know for certain. If my instincts are right, then the chances of that happening are .16%... yet again, that is some amazing luck.
Short of one of my amazing doctors coming up with a plan that gives me a freaking chance, I am ready to move on to adoption. Frankly, I am not a huge fan of trying to waiting and hoping for a mother to pick us, relinquish her baby to us, and then risk her taking that baby back... so that pretty much kicks domestic adoption to the curb.
So, that leaves international adoption. I spent the day on the phone asking about the possibility of us getting a baby from somewhere far away, only to hear a plethora of news that makes a million rounds of IVF look like a lovefest.
If anyone has any ideas, agencies, experiences with this or anything that might help - please, please, please email me. (twogeorgiamommies@gmail.com or just leave a comment.) We are in hell and I really need to find a new way to find our child. I just can't give up.
I read that the chances of having two miscarriages back to back was less than 4%. Wow, how did I get so fucking lucky? I actually suspect that I've miscarried the last three times that we tried, but only two I know for certain. If my instincts are right, then the chances of that happening are .16%... yet again, that is some amazing luck.
Short of one of my amazing doctors coming up with a plan that gives me a freaking chance, I am ready to move on to adoption. Frankly, I am not a huge fan of trying to waiting and hoping for a mother to pick us, relinquish her baby to us, and then risk her taking that baby back... so that pretty much kicks domestic adoption to the curb.
So, that leaves international adoption. I spent the day on the phone asking about the possibility of us getting a baby from somewhere far away, only to hear a plethora of news that makes a million rounds of IVF look like a lovefest.
If anyone has any ideas, agencies, experiences with this or anything that might help - please, please, please email me. (twogeorgiamommies@gmail.com or just leave a comment.) We are in hell and I really need to find a new way to find our child. I just can't give up.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
BACK HOME
I'm back from Perry and just glad to be with my wife. We need each other so much right now.
R had to go in for some pretty extensive blood tests today. It might help the doctor determine what, if anything, is causing R to miscarry. We won't have any results back for another four weeks.
We've both spent the early part of this evening making all the telephone calls we needed to make to let the few folks who knew about our pregnancy know what's happened. Everyone's been really kind, but it's hard as hell to have to do this.
Thanks to everyone for your kind words. It's nice to know we have support out there.
R had to go in for some pretty extensive blood tests today. It might help the doctor determine what, if anything, is causing R to miscarry. We won't have any results back for another four weeks.
We've both spent the early part of this evening making all the telephone calls we needed to make to let the few folks who knew about our pregnancy know what's happened. Everyone's been really kind, but it's hard as hell to have to do this.
Thanks to everyone for your kind words. It's nice to know we have support out there.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
IT SUCKS SOMETHING FIERCE
R telephoned me with an update. Dr. A read the results of the beta test and it wasn't good. I can't quote numbers; in fact, I don't think the doctor even gave R any numbers. All we needed to know was the facts, and the fact is that this is all over. I can't begin to express how upset we are.
We will be okay. We always are. But this hurts like hell and I dread the worse that will surely come before the better. I don't even know how to pick up these pieces. It just seems like too much.
The most painful part is that I'm stuck in Perry, Georgia for the next two days (today/tomorrow) and I can't be home with R. My mother-in-law is there with R, which makes me feel a bit better knowing R doesn't have to be alone. My meetings are going well, but I want to be home with my wife. We need each other right now.
Being here with my team members is hard. Only one co-worker/friend knows what's going on. Everyone else is clueless. I couldn't get out of coming here and now that I'm here, I'm expected to be really focused and cheery, etc. (Obviously, the focused part isn't working, as I'm sitting here, blogging.) It will be nice to have some time to wind down tonight, to call my wife and talk to her, and to just have some time alone.
We will be okay. We always are. But this hurts like hell and I dread the worse that will surely come before the better. I don't even know how to pick up these pieces. It just seems like too much.
The most painful part is that I'm stuck in Perry, Georgia for the next two days (today/tomorrow) and I can't be home with R. My mother-in-law is there with R, which makes me feel a bit better knowing R doesn't have to be alone. My meetings are going well, but I want to be home with my wife. We need each other right now.
Being here with my team members is hard. Only one co-worker/friend knows what's going on. Everyone else is clueless. I couldn't get out of coming here and now that I'm here, I'm expected to be really focused and cheery, etc. (Obviously, the focused part isn't working, as I'm sitting here, blogging.) It will be nice to have some time to wind down tonight, to call my wife and talk to her, and to just have some time alone.
THIS DAY SUCKS
I woke up at about 4:00am and was bleeding. I went to the doctor this morning. She couldn't find anything on the ultrasound. I took another beta test and I'm now waiting to see what it says. Dr. A told me that it may be okay, that she had seen stranger things happen, but things did not really look good.
She offered me progestrone supplements but said that it would just prolong a pregnancy that perhaps should not continue. She offered the example of a woman who took it, made it 36 weeks, and had to have her baby die because it had no kidneys. So, we opted for no progesterone.
I was really so excited about this baby and right now I just can't believe that this is happening. Ju HAD to go out of town on business this morning and was suuuuuuper upset about it. I took the day off work and am just trying to hold it together. Ju had my mom come up from Atlanta, which has been really hard on my mom, but it is really nice to have her here.
So, for now, I think mom and I are going to watch some movies and wait for the doctor to call.
She offered me progestrone supplements but said that it would just prolong a pregnancy that perhaps should not continue. She offered the example of a woman who took it, made it 36 weeks, and had to have her baby die because it had no kidneys. So, we opted for no progesterone.
I was really so excited about this baby and right now I just can't believe that this is happening. Ju HAD to go out of town on business this morning and was suuuuuuper upset about it. I took the day off work and am just trying to hold it together. Ju had my mom come up from Atlanta, which has been really hard on my mom, but it is really nice to have her here.
So, for now, I think mom and I are going to watch some movies and wait for the doctor to call.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
STILL PREGNANT!!
It is really strange how all of this has happened. I'm still in shock!
We are thrilled about our pregnancy, but to be honest, I am having a hard time believing that it's not just one long mix-up at the lab. I haven't been as sick as I expected, which is worrying to me. I feel like maybe if I felt worse and was sick more often, it would all be more real/believable.
Mostly, I am just tired. My bed time has now become 8:30 and I wake up a thousand times a night. I hear every move the dogs make and feel that it is now necessary to take them out to pee at about 3:00am (how they ever made it before is beyond me).
Fortunately, I have support. The gal who teaches across the hall from me recently had twins, so I seek her out and bug her for information. She told me she didn't get sick until week eight and her little boys turned out to be just perfect! This is only week five, so perhaps it is reasonable to think that I would not be ragingly sick.
I am going on Monday to put our name on the very long daycare lists in town and hope to get a spot by the time we need it. I know it is early, but I am kind of compulsive about that kind of stuff. I'm a teacher, so I am a freak about education. G-d help the daycare worker who gets my poor child/children because I have very specific ideas about early learning and developmental appropriateness. It ain't gonna be pretty! I wish that one of us could stay home, but that doesn't seem to be a financial possiblity at this point.
Anyway, if anybody has any info to share about early pregnancy and how to survive the amazingly constant worry, please share! Gee, I thought that if we could get pregnant that I would feel really relieved, and I do, but I also worry because anything could happen. Sure, anything could always happen, but especially right now I am worried.
We are thrilled about our pregnancy, but to be honest, I am having a hard time believing that it's not just one long mix-up at the lab. I haven't been as sick as I expected, which is worrying to me. I feel like maybe if I felt worse and was sick more often, it would all be more real/believable.
Mostly, I am just tired. My bed time has now become 8:30 and I wake up a thousand times a night. I hear every move the dogs make and feel that it is now necessary to take them out to pee at about 3:00am (how they ever made it before is beyond me).
Fortunately, I have support. The gal who teaches across the hall from me recently had twins, so I seek her out and bug her for information. She told me she didn't get sick until week eight and her little boys turned out to be just perfect! This is only week five, so perhaps it is reasonable to think that I would not be ragingly sick.
I am going on Monday to put our name on the very long daycare lists in town and hope to get a spot by the time we need it. I know it is early, but I am kind of compulsive about that kind of stuff. I'm a teacher, so I am a freak about education. G-d help the daycare worker who gets my poor child/children because I have very specific ideas about early learning and developmental appropriateness. It ain't gonna be pretty! I wish that one of us could stay home, but that doesn't seem to be a financial possiblity at this point.
Anyway, if anybody has any info to share about early pregnancy and how to survive the amazingly constant worry, please share! Gee, I thought that if we could get pregnant that I would feel really relieved, and I do, but I also worry because anything could happen. Sure, anything could always happen, but especially right now I am worried.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
IT'S OFFICIAL!
Well, it's official -- we're definitely pregnant! R had a second beta test today to make sure everything was on schedule and the results were excellent. The doctor's office wants us to schedule our ultrasound asap. We couldn't be more excited!
Edit: Our ultrasound is scheduled for Wednesday, January 31st. Until then, please keep your fingers crossed and keep us in your thoughts. Things are going well, but we're so nervous -- we have a long way to go.
Edit: Our ultrasound is scheduled for Wednesday, January 31st. Until then, please keep your fingers crossed and keep us in your thoughts. Things are going well, but we're so nervous -- we have a long way to go.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
HEAR YE, HEAR YE...
R asked me to update our blog yesterday, but I just didn't know quite what to say. Our situation is delicate, but after giving it some thought today, I've decided that we can use all the support we can get! So, here goes:
WE'RE PREGNANT!!!
Honestly, we weren't expecting this at all. This last dual IUI was done and afterwards, we didn't really talk about it all. We even went ahead and scheduled a consult appointment with the IVF doctor. That's how convinced we were that it wouldn't work.
R took a pregnancy test Sunday morning, not expecting anything, and amazingly enough, the result was positive. We waited again and took a second test Sunday night. It, too, was positive. Monday morning (yesterday), R took a third test and got a third positive result. Since our IVF appointment was supposed to be yesterday (ironic, eh?), we called their office first thing to see if we could come in early for bloodwork. Our actual appointment was scheduled for late in the day and we knew if we waited, we wouldn't get any results back by closing time.
We spoke with the nurse first thing. The IVF doctor was nice about it, but said he wouldn't do a consult with a pregnant woman and wouldn't run bloodwork. He said we needed to see our regular doctor. At this point, we were in Atlanta (we'd spent the night with R's mom, who lives there), so we had to get back in the car and head back to Athens. We went straight to our doctor's office and everyone was buzzing around with excitement. Our tiny little Dr. A nearly knocked me down when she hugged me!
R had a beta/hcg test done and we got the results yesterday afternoon. Dr. A said it looked really good and that R was exactly on target for where she is in her cycle. We have to go back in for R to have another beta/hcg test done tomorrow morning, so the doctor can compare it and just double-check that things are progressing nicely. We feel good about everything, but we have to admit that we're pretty nervous, too. But, like I told R earlier on the phone today, there's not much we can do and unless we see blood, we can remain optimistic.
In the meantime, R has had quite a bit of morning sickness - mostly dry heaving, not actual vomiting. We've managed to keep it controlled with food - lots of small snacks like bananas and saltine crackers. R also had some headaches today, which worried her that something was wrong, but I simply reminded her that headaches were common from the surge of all those hormones. That seemed to calm her a bit, but then I was worried about her. I didn't think anything was really wrong; I just didn't want her to get sick or anything.
Anyway, we are very excited, as you might imagine, even though we don't feel like we're totally in the clear yet. I think we'll feel better tomorrow when we can see what's going on for sure. Dr. A said that we'll get to have our first ultrasound in two weeks, which will allow us to hear the heartbeat and determine how many embryos there are. How exciting is that?!?!
WE'RE PREGNANT!!!
Honestly, we weren't expecting this at all. This last dual IUI was done and afterwards, we didn't really talk about it all. We even went ahead and scheduled a consult appointment with the IVF doctor. That's how convinced we were that it wouldn't work.
R took a pregnancy test Sunday morning, not expecting anything, and amazingly enough, the result was positive. We waited again and took a second test Sunday night. It, too, was positive. Monday morning (yesterday), R took a third test and got a third positive result. Since our IVF appointment was supposed to be yesterday (ironic, eh?), we called their office first thing to see if we could come in early for bloodwork. Our actual appointment was scheduled for late in the day and we knew if we waited, we wouldn't get any results back by closing time.
We spoke with the nurse first thing. The IVF doctor was nice about it, but said he wouldn't do a consult with a pregnant woman and wouldn't run bloodwork. He said we needed to see our regular doctor. At this point, we were in Atlanta (we'd spent the night with R's mom, who lives there), so we had to get back in the car and head back to Athens. We went straight to our doctor's office and everyone was buzzing around with excitement. Our tiny little Dr. A nearly knocked me down when she hugged me!
R had a beta/hcg test done and we got the results yesterday afternoon. Dr. A said it looked really good and that R was exactly on target for where she is in her cycle. We have to go back in for R to have another beta/hcg test done tomorrow morning, so the doctor can compare it and just double-check that things are progressing nicely. We feel good about everything, but we have to admit that we're pretty nervous, too. But, like I told R earlier on the phone today, there's not much we can do and unless we see blood, we can remain optimistic.
In the meantime, R has had quite a bit of morning sickness - mostly dry heaving, not actual vomiting. We've managed to keep it controlled with food - lots of small snacks like bananas and saltine crackers. R also had some headaches today, which worried her that something was wrong, but I simply reminded her that headaches were common from the surge of all those hormones. That seemed to calm her a bit, but then I was worried about her. I didn't think anything was really wrong; I just didn't want her to get sick or anything.
Anyway, we are very excited, as you might imagine, even though we don't feel like we're totally in the clear yet. I think we'll feel better tomorrow when we can see what's going on for sure. Dr. A said that we'll get to have our first ultrasound in two weeks, which will allow us to hear the heartbeat and determine how many embryos there are. How exciting is that?!?!
Sunday, December 31, 2006
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
It has been a pretty good week. Ju and I have had some time alone, and also some time to talk about all that has been going on. The holiday timing of all of this and the fact that we have been surrounded by family for what felt like forever has made it hard to have a chance to figure out what to do/how we feel, etc.
Unfortunately, I had a major hormonal/emotional breakdown on Thursday. I basically cried for about seven hours solid (sorry, Ju.). If I ever needed proof that I have a great wife, the fact that she didn't get visibly angry with me while I completely lost it, clearly says a great deal. Anyhow, my breakdown seemed to strangely facilitate our talking about all this. We talked and talked and talked.
We decided that we both desperately want to have a freaking life beyond trying to have a baby. We are not ready to throw in the towel, but IVF is scary, both financially and physically. If this round of IUI doesn't work, we are going to shelf the baby project until school lets out. Then, we can have a chance to reconfigure our lives and focus on some other stuff that we have put on the backburner while we deal with what has become a freaking fertility hell.
Okay, so having said that, I think that I should probably give the details of our current project. We are doing a dual insemination on the 2nd and 3rd using unknown donor sperm. I am a little sad that this is the last chance for IUI . It feels like the end of the "easy" stuff and moving onto IVF seems to indicate that I might have a major fertility issue (can you tell I am really scared?).
The donor we are using this time around evidently has a pretty good thaw rate (over 60% on average) and has 19 known pregnancies. This gives me a bit of hope. I called the sperm bank and bugged the lab techs until they spilled the beans about each of the donors and who was frequently getting folks pregnant. In the end, we chose a guy who had both the most pregnancies and who seemed to actually have a brain in his head. I wish I had known that the sperm bank would give out this info when I started because I would have done so many things differently. Oh well, live and learn.
On a totally different topic (sort of), I saw my college roommates and their 1 and 1/2 year old baby on Friday. Some people hate to be around kids while they are trying to make this baby stuff happen, but I am really happy to be around kids because it reminds me of why we are doing all of this and what the payoff will be. Additionally, my friends are obviously wonderful, super-devoted parents who have a terrific kid. It was nice to see a really happy family.
Unfortunately, I had a major hormonal/emotional breakdown on Thursday. I basically cried for about seven hours solid (sorry, Ju.). If I ever needed proof that I have a great wife, the fact that she didn't get visibly angry with me while I completely lost it, clearly says a great deal. Anyhow, my breakdown seemed to strangely facilitate our talking about all this. We talked and talked and talked.
We decided that we both desperately want to have a freaking life beyond trying to have a baby. We are not ready to throw in the towel, but IVF is scary, both financially and physically. If this round of IUI doesn't work, we are going to shelf the baby project until school lets out. Then, we can have a chance to reconfigure our lives and focus on some other stuff that we have put on the backburner while we deal with what has become a freaking fertility hell.
Okay, so having said that, I think that I should probably give the details of our current project. We are doing a dual insemination on the 2nd and 3rd using unknown donor sperm. I am a little sad that this is the last chance for IUI . It feels like the end of the "easy" stuff and moving onto IVF seems to indicate that I might have a major fertility issue (can you tell I am really scared?).
The donor we are using this time around evidently has a pretty good thaw rate (over 60% on average) and has 19 known pregnancies. This gives me a bit of hope. I called the sperm bank and bugged the lab techs until they spilled the beans about each of the donors and who was frequently getting folks pregnant. In the end, we chose a guy who had both the most pregnancies and who seemed to actually have a brain in his head. I wish I had known that the sperm bank would give out this info when I started because I would have done so many things differently. Oh well, live and learn.
On a totally different topic (sort of), I saw my college roommates and their 1 and 1/2 year old baby on Friday. Some people hate to be around kids while they are trying to make this baby stuff happen, but I am really happy to be around kids because it reminds me of why we are doing all of this and what the payoff will be. Additionally, my friends are obviously wonderful, super-devoted parents who have a terrific kid. It was nice to see a really happy family.
Friday, December 29, 2006
BAD NEWS...
Okay, so this is the last round of IUI (probably)... OY! Just to bring everyone up to speed this is the 6th cycle in 10 months. All cycles were done with oral medication, except for the first one. And all have been with frozen donor sperm.
We will do two inseminations this month, one on Tuesday (Jan 2nd) and one on Wednesday (Jan 3rd). Both will be with Dr. No-personality, who we essentially "fired" about nine months ago (just great). My wonderful Dr. A is going to the beach with her kids and hubby, thus will not be available. By the time we have results, it will be time to see the IVF doctor (we see him on Jan 15th).
I went for my ultrasound today (I refer this to as "egg day"). This is day 11 of my cycle and while my doctor seemed to feel okay about the results (two follicles measuring at 17 and 18) and the uterine lining measuring at six. She insisted that this was okay, but I was not impressed. I wanted to die and crawl under the table. I am pissy and very difficult to live with at this point. I feel sorry for Ju. I know that she wants me to buck up a little bit, but I seem to be incapable of this and am pretty much inconsolable.
The good news is that Christmas is blissfully over. I would like to point out that I managed to not cry publicly the entire time I was with the family, which is one small accomplishment.
Ju keeps telling me that she still believes we'll be okay, that we can get pregnant and that the IVF guy may have some real ideas (he's a reproductive endocrinologist, so she says he'll know more about hormone stuff). I have MUCH less enthusiasm for this. I am just afraid he is going to tell me my eggs look like crap or that I am just broken. This evening Ju said "aren't you tired?" and the answer is yes, I am really, really, really tired and frustrated and hurt and a million other things. I just don't know what to do.
If I knew how to fix this, I would. I am pretty type-A and hate to "fail"/give up. Ju says that I am freaking out way too early (because we haven't even met the IVF guy and already, I'm expecting the worst) and that we just have to hang in there for what the doctor actually has to say. I am sure that she is right; I am just not good at not worrying.
I really hope things look better tomorrow. In the meantime, it is our/my New Years resolution to have a freaking life beyond fertility!
We will do two inseminations this month, one on Tuesday (Jan 2nd) and one on Wednesday (Jan 3rd). Both will be with Dr. No-personality, who we essentially "fired" about nine months ago (just great). My wonderful Dr. A is going to the beach with her kids and hubby, thus will not be available. By the time we have results, it will be time to see the IVF doctor (we see him on Jan 15th).
I went for my ultrasound today (I refer this to as "egg day"). This is day 11 of my cycle and while my doctor seemed to feel okay about the results (two follicles measuring at 17 and 18) and the uterine lining measuring at six. She insisted that this was okay, but I was not impressed. I wanted to die and crawl under the table. I am pissy and very difficult to live with at this point. I feel sorry for Ju. I know that she wants me to buck up a little bit, but I seem to be incapable of this and am pretty much inconsolable.
The good news is that Christmas is blissfully over. I would like to point out that I managed to not cry publicly the entire time I was with the family, which is one small accomplishment.
Ju keeps telling me that she still believes we'll be okay, that we can get pregnant and that the IVF guy may have some real ideas (he's a reproductive endocrinologist, so she says he'll know more about hormone stuff). I have MUCH less enthusiasm for this. I am just afraid he is going to tell me my eggs look like crap or that I am just broken. This evening Ju said "aren't you tired?" and the answer is yes, I am really, really, really tired and frustrated and hurt and a million other things. I just don't know what to do.
If I knew how to fix this, I would. I am pretty type-A and hate to "fail"/give up. Ju says that I am freaking out way too early (because we haven't even met the IVF guy and already, I'm expecting the worst) and that we just have to hang in there for what the doctor actually has to say. I am sure that she is right; I am just not good at not worrying.
I really hope things look better tomorrow. In the meantime, it is our/my New Years resolution to have a freaking life beyond fertility!
Thursday, December 21, 2006
MERRY CHRISTMAS... SORT OF
So as we all now know, I am officially very un-pregnant. I am almost feeling okay about this. I'm super-annoyed, but glad it is over.
I talked with my doctor yesterday and she told me she simply did not have a clue why I wasn't getting pregnant, but that she thought injectables with IUI was not the way to go. She says I stimulate pretty well from the 150 Clomid. The problem is not quantity of eggs. She seemed relieved that I had made an appointment with the IVF doctor. He was her mentor and she trained under him. She's also discussed our case with him a few times. She told me that she really felt like it was time to have a different set of eyes look at my files and talk with me. She said she thought that he would suggest IVF and frankly, at this point that sounds pretty darn good.
I would love to be able to move forward with IVF quickly, but the money is a pretty big obstacle. I am sure (hopefully) that we can figure it out and I think that there are some potential grandparents who might be willing to kick in some additional cash. Anyway, we went ahead and started this cycle with the same drugs and a few additional tests that I will go in for next week (don't even ask me what they are). By the time that we go to see the IVF doctor on MLK day we will know if this round has worked. I don't have very high expectations for this round, but we basically are going forward b/c the insurance will cover most of it (All drugs except Clomid, all diagnostic tests/procedures, and the IUI. We still have to buy sperm.).
Sitting around trying to figure the money out without ever having a chance of this working sucks. Plus, we have all of these friends who keep telling us that we just haven't tried long enough and that we should give it a few more months. Our regular doctor has additionally suggested that the IVF guy might change the way we do the IUI insemination. I am really excited to find out what our options are and how expensive all of this is going to be.
By the way, Merry Christmas.
I talked with my doctor yesterday and she told me she simply did not have a clue why I wasn't getting pregnant, but that she thought injectables with IUI was not the way to go. She says I stimulate pretty well from the 150 Clomid. The problem is not quantity of eggs. She seemed relieved that I had made an appointment with the IVF doctor. He was her mentor and she trained under him. She's also discussed our case with him a few times. She told me that she really felt like it was time to have a different set of eyes look at my files and talk with me. She said she thought that he would suggest IVF and frankly, at this point that sounds pretty darn good.
I would love to be able to move forward with IVF quickly, but the money is a pretty big obstacle. I am sure (hopefully) that we can figure it out and I think that there are some potential grandparents who might be willing to kick in some additional cash. Anyway, we went ahead and started this cycle with the same drugs and a few additional tests that I will go in for next week (don't even ask me what they are). By the time that we go to see the IVF doctor on MLK day we will know if this round has worked. I don't have very high expectations for this round, but we basically are going forward b/c the insurance will cover most of it (All drugs except Clomid, all diagnostic tests/procedures, and the IUI. We still have to buy sperm.).
Sitting around trying to figure the money out without ever having a chance of this working sucks. Plus, we have all of these friends who keep telling us that we just haven't tried long enough and that we should give it a few more months. Our regular doctor has additionally suggested that the IVF guy might change the way we do the IUI insemination. I am really excited to find out what our options are and how expensive all of this is going to be.
By the way, Merry Christmas.
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